Because I Was Afraid

Fitting, this picture is.

Hello lovely readers! My my it has been a while! But God has been busy in all of our lives, has he not? Ups, downs, good and bad, thick and thin He's been there. It is my sincerest hope that all of you have had an even better few months than I have.

There have been MANY ups and downs, but all of them have made me who I am, just as yours have done for you. I am thankful for all of them that I have received, and am so glad to have been blessed with the life I have to live. 

One of the ups was an INCREDIBLE weekend with amazing friends and a reminder of my own worth, and the worth of everyone around me. God reminded me that He works in everyone, and loves us all sooo much. 

Another was getting to see the movie Maleficent today. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It sparked tonight's conversation....

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Being Afraid: How Fear Can Distort Our Lives

Maleficent is a beautiful movie about how fear can drive people to do terrible things, and how love can help heal that. Without spoiling too much, Maleficent is hurt by the fear of the king, and so she turns to hurt others. The movie was WONDERFUL and I was enchanted the whole time. But even more than that I was thinking about what started it all. It was fear. The king was not necessarily a bad man (the one at the beginning of the movie, not Stefan... again all I can say without spoilers). He wanted to protect his kingdom from a perceived threat. But his pride (but pride is a separate post entirely) and his fear of what MIGHT lay in the mysterious other kingdom lead him to do terrible things. And that got me thinking.

Fear is one of the worst things in the world because it comes from ourselves, and it can completely destroy people. It takes perfectly good people and hurts them in two ways: either in hiding or in lashing out.

First let's talk about lashing out. Think of when you were a kid. Wasn't it the case that often times the kid that was the most bullied was the one that was most different? In high school, wasn't it always best to stick in, because if you stuck out too much you might be attacked too? People fear greatness. They fear being outdone; they fear being made to feel inadequate; they fear people who dare to be themselves; they fear people who are truly happy. I'm not saying that all people do this, or even most people, but simply that there are people out there who do this. They aren't necessarily bad people. In fact many of them might be what one considers good. They simply are afraid, and fear can make people do crazy things. It makes some people get very defensive, so to put up walls around themselves they put down others.

Then there's the other spectrum of fear which is just as harmful. Fear can also cause people to hide. They hide how different they are for fear of being hurt. They hide their love for fear of being rejected. They hide their hope for fear of being laughed at. They hide their uniqueness for fear of not being accepted. They sacrifice being who they are for the safety of being ordinary. They are so afraid of what others think and maybe even of themselves that they choose to hide who and what they are to avoid any conflict.

Neither of these is what God wants, and both are damaging. Both hurt others, and both hurt ourselves. And if we are really honest, at some point or another in our lives, we are guilty of both. When we judge others just by looking at them, or when we don't do something for fear of being judged, we act on these. Fear is a problem because it is incompatible with love. I don't mean to say that you are never afraid when you're in love. Love is a terribly scary thing. Love doesn't require the absence of fear. Rather, love requires doing what's right despite fear. Acting on fear distorts because it leaves no room for love. When we leave no room for love, the source of all beauty and truth (As Love Himself created everything), we leave only room for hatred - either of ourselves or of others.

I was really guilty of the second one for a long time. I don't like sharing myself with others because I am afraid that I won't be wanted, needed, or loved. I know in my heart it's ridiculous, and yet I still find myself acting on this fear time and time again. This weekend God sent me a reminder that I should not be afraid. With a group of awesome friends I was once again reminded that fear is not a way to live, and God wants us to be happy. Then Sunday was Pentecost. The apostles were all afraid, but then Jesus told them to "Be not afraid.". But they were still afraid. Then He sent His spirit upon them, and they were filled with courage and spread the Word throughout the world. This was God's reminder that even the best of people become afraid, but that love is so much stronger than fear. When we choose to love, then the fear doesn't matter anymore, even if it doesn't leave.

Fear means a lack of trust. It means a lack of trust in God's love and plan for you. Why shouldn't we trust the One who is Love, and who never stops thinking of us? It is kind of proud. And yet we do it all the time! Fear is saying "I know you got plans, but I still don't quite like them, so I'll try mine." I know that it's hard. Believe me, I'm no better than anyone else. But when we choose to trust God, Love conquers fear, and life can be lived to the absolute fullest. And let me tell you my friends, Love is so much better.

Don't be afraid, be not afraid. Variations of this are found all over the Bible. God is obviously trying to tell us that we don't need it. He made us perfect, even in our imperfections, and loves us just as we are. He wants us to love ourselves, and each other, that way too. He wants us to look at each other and see Him. We are one body, and we are His body, and when we live without fear - when we live in love - we allow everyone to live to the fullest.

So be not afraid. Live in love. You were made to live.
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The verse for tonight is Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not, I am with you; be not dismayed; I am your God. I will strengthen you, and help you, and uphold you with my right hand of justice."

I don't think anything else needs to be added.
... Except maybe a song!

"I'm On Top of the World" by Imagine Dragons

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

Live life on top of the world. There's nothing to fear! You are perfect just the way you are! You are wanted, needed, loved, necessary, and irreplaceable!

I love you all, and I'm praying for you.

Until next time,
~Wanted~

I Always Will

He is Jealous for me.

Hello all! Sorry it has been soo long! I know I promised more earlier, and that was my bad. Time got away from me a little bit, as you all know it tends to. I hope you all have been doing abundantly well, and had a great holiday season.

Part 2 of Finding Beauty is still coming. When that will happen I have no idea. But I did promise more writing on love. And here for your viewing pleasure is another segment on love. If I've written any of this before I apologize, but I really think that this needs to be said.

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Accepting the Love of God

I know some of you may be thinking that this topic isn't even one that needs to be talked about. I mean it's common sense right? But with the distortion of sin in the world, even the most basic of truths needs to be highlighted from time to time to keep it from being forgotten. And so we go.

Remember when you were a kid and the monsters hid in the dark? All you needed was your mom or dad to scare them away and the monsters went away. As you grew up, the monsters came in the dark less and less. Instead they began to hide in even scarier places: in the bullies, in the things you couldn't control, the stuff of nightmares. But even those could be overcome by standing up to them, or accepting your lack of control. So then the monsters decided to hide in the scariest place of all: you. The monsters crawled into you. Making you believe that you were ugly. Worthless. Terrible. A bad friend, parent, brother, teacher, coworker, etc. Unlovable.

Maybe this hasn't happened to you, and if it hasn't, GOOD. Don't think that it needs to. It means that you have already surpassed this step. If it has, this post is for you. To sum it up in a nutshell I quote Veggietales: "God is bigger than the boogeyman." He is the one who can conquer your inner monsters. And yet as I have said so many times before, it has to be you who allow Him to.

The monsters represent our own fears and insecurities. I fed my own monsters for years. They're very easy to feed. And the more we feed them, the less they look like monsters to us, but as essential parts of who we are - indistinct and irremovable from our core. But the monsters ARE NOT us, and they can easily be defeated.

The more we feed the monsters, they harder they are to defeat. I know this is the case for me. Sometimes I continue to feed them. But God wants sooo much more for us than that. He calls us out, beckoning us to feed our souls with His very Body; His very Blood. And it's toxic to the monsters that claim our souls.

The only catch is that, I'll reiterate, WE HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. Guys I will be first to admit, this is one of the hardest lessons that I have EVER had to learn. And I've taken physics and calculus. See, I get into this rut where I know that God loves me and forgives me for what I've done wrong, but that doesn't matter to me. Because of false humility (just another side of pride), I decided that while God might say I'm good enough, I say I'm not. Of course that isn't true! In fact it's pretty darn proud, putting myself up on a pedestal like that. But what God has been beating into me lately (or at least trying to) is that it's not about deserving. It's about His gift. He didn't have to make us. Did we deserve that? Nope. He wanted to. He didn't have to redeem us. Did we deserve it? Nope. He wanted us to be with Him forever. He didn't have to give us grace in confession. Did we deserve that? Nope. He wanted us to be able to get closer and closer to Him.

You see? True love isn't about what we deserve. It's about what God has given us. Loving Him is accepting His gifts. MUCH easier said than done. Recently at adoration a nun taught me a prayer that can help though. You see, I didn't accept God's love and forgiveness for myself because I didn't want to be insincere, and I never thought I deserved it. So she told me this. Sometimes when we find it hard to do something, we can ask for it "In the name of Jesus." His name holds power, and so if we come to God asking for something in His son's name, He will grant it to us. I wanted to forgive myself, so I asked for the sincerity to do so. Ask God for the sincerity. Ask Him for the desire to let Him love you. That's what He's there for.

It's not what you deserve, nor is it about what you deserve. It's about what you are given. It's about you accepting a gift that your best friend just wants to give you. He's waiting for you. He just wants you to let Him love you. And then when you do, your world will change.
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He is jealous for you. Never forget that you have a loving God.
The song for this time is Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars.

I don't love you
I always will
I don't love you but
I always will

I feel like these lyrics fit very well. The first and third lines often times describe us with ourselves, and God steps in with the second and fourth lines. He always will love us, regardless of what we think of ourselves. We need to just let Him. And we need to learn to love ourselves too.

Always remember that.

1 John 4:19.

Until Next Time!

~Wanted~

Finding Beauty: Through the Eyes of Grace

There are no words to describe the beauty.

Hello all! It's been quite a while since the last time I wrote. I know, and I'm sorry. Life never seems to get less busy, you know? I keep thinking "After this week, THEN I'll have time to write again." But then next week comes and new challenges keep me from talking to you guys. I couldn't take it anymore though, and with just a little bit of free time here I'm going to see what I can crank out!

How are you all? Seriously, I mean like I said, it's been a while! Hope things are going well, and that in all you do you follow God's guiding path.

It's been an interesting couple of months. I've seen things that make me believe that there's nothing that humanity can't handle. I've also seen things that make me sick to my stomach. I mean I guess part of that is life. But I truly believe that there's more to it than that. The world's changed. For better or for worse, it's always changing. And that change, well it's made it much easier to see the bad in things, and much harder to see the good.  

This post is the beginning of  (HOPEFULLY) a series of posts on finding the beauty in life, and what that means.

And I suppose that here's as good a place to start as any....

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Finding the Beauty:

The Distortion of Sin

A couple weeks ago I was surfing youtube and I came across a girl telling her story. You know the one, the flashcard kind. Well the story was really sad, and as I came to the end I found out she had killed herself because she felt she was worth nothing. Kids at her school had encouraged her to do it, saying it would be the best for everyone. They made her feel as if she were worth nothing. How can such young people be so cruel? How could anyone, of any age be so cruel?

Recently our own government has come out to us and said very clearly that on several occasions they have blatantly lied to us, and that has directly lead to some people getting hurt. In a government shutdown those who fight and die to protect our freedom weren't paid, but those responsible for the shutdown were. Not only that, but they constantly vote to get paid more. They say they look out for the people, but more and more politicians only care for themselves. How could people be so selfish?

 Over 3000 babies are aborted each day in the US alone. Recently I was at a small pro-life event, and someone set up shop directly across from it protesting. I read an article about it in the local paper the next day. There was an interview with a girl whose mother had chosen life. The answer she gave though surprised me. She said that while she wouldn't be here if her mom had chosen abortion, she still believes that her mom should have the right to chose that. In effect she was saying that her own right to exist should be predetermined on the basis of another person's desires. What kind of world is this, where the most vulnerable are so easily discarded?

As the weeks went on, I kept seeing more and more of this. The terrible reality of the world we live in today. A world where people will walk all over each other just to get what they want, and not only is that ok, but in many cases it's encouraged! A world where the 'I' is the end all and be all. What do I want? What's best for me? It made me sad. I began to only be able to focus on the bad, in the world at large and in my own life. I got annoyed at friends and missed a bus, it rained on me and I got soaked through, I failed a test, among other things. All of this culminated into one big blob of human misery. What good is humanity anyways???

I think all of us get like this sometimes. We only want to focus on the bad. The world has sooo much hatred. It's easy to see, and sometimes not so easy. Either way it's always there. When we get down, the whole world seems that much worse. Even when we feel good, sometimes it seems like the evils in the world are just insurmountable. Like there's nothing we can do against such huge problems anyways, so why bother? 

But then we see the glimpses of beauty.

A kid singing disney songs loudly out in public. A guy walking a stranger under his umbrella because they forgot theirs and it's raining. Hearing a snippet of that song you love. A perfect cool breeze. A friend waving hi. The smile of a stranger. Spending time with friends. That perfect day. That day that's good for no reason. People helping others they don't even know. That person who buys you your lunch just because. That hug that you needed right then. The list goes on and on. 

The glimpses of beauty remind us that God made the world, and it is inherently good. The beauty is the way things are meant to be. We just put a little snag in that when sin came into play. Sin takes what is good about the world and distorts it. It takes beauty, and changes it just slightly. And just slightly again. And a little more. Through small changes that no one notices, something once beautiful becomes an ugly mess. Our world is distorted by sin, and so it becomes harder to see the beauty. When we rely on God's grace however, then the light comes pouring in, and the beauty is made as visible as day. 

The grace that God wants to give us allows us to see the world as it's meant to be. Instead of being annoyed at friends, grace helps me to see them as unique and wonderful. Instead of being angry at the rain, I become thankful and enjoy it for what it is. Grace even helps me to take the hit of a bad test, and learn the lessons that are needed to grow. It helps me to see that even the difficulties are blessings. 

Without this grace however, my view becomes murky, and I can only see the distortions that sin presents. I can only see the hatred. For far too many of us this is the case way more often than it needs to be. We let ourselves get trapped in the distortions, and we let ourselves believe that they are the way things have always been, and the way things are meant to be. Luckily for us though God provided a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13! :D) so that we could get back to seeing the world as it was meant to be. Through the sacrament of Reconciliation, the grace we received at baptism is restored to us, and the world can be seen once again for the beautiful place that it is.

Remember when you were a little kid, and everything was fun? There was no such things as evil. I mean there were good guys and bad guys, but the bad guys never won. And you were always the good guy. All you wanted to do was share and be nice. The world was a happy place full of good things and friends. When we receive that grace one again, we go back to that state. The world's just like it was when we were kids. Childlike faith ringing a bell? While the problems of this earth caused by sin still remain, our clear view of how things should be equips us to better fight it. And while we may not be able to make an impact against huge problems on our own, if enough of us begin to trust in God and see the world as He does, then we really CAN make a difference.

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There's a song that's perfect for this post. It's called Come Home by One Republic.

My favorite lyrics go:

I get lost in all the beauty of everything I see

And the world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be.

If all the sons and all the daughters stopped to take it in

well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin.

When we stop to take in God's life-giving grace, we too can get lost in the beauty.

Think about this song. See things they way they were meant to be.

Hello world

Hope you're listening

Forgive me if I’m young

For speaking out of turn

There’s someone I’ve been missing

I think that they could be

The better half of me

They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right

But I’m tired of justifying

So I say to you..

Come home

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

For so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

So come home

Oh

I get lost in the beauty

Of everything I see

The world ain’t half as bad

As they paint it to be

If all the sons,

All the daughters

Stopped to take it in

Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin

It might start now, yeah

Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud

Until then...

Come home

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

For so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

Ever known

So come home

Oh

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why I need you here

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why I need you here

So hear this now...

Come home

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

For so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

Ever known

So come home

Come home

2 Corinthians 12:9 says "but he said to me,  "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me."

His grace is sufficient for you, if you just accept it. See the world's beauty.

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Well that's if for part one!

Next week: (Or whenever I get around to it!)

Finding Beauty:

Love, Hatred, and You

Love you always, and as always I am praying for you. Pray for me as well.

God bless!

~Wanted~

Ch-Ch-Changes

I'm in a Kingdom Hearts kind of mood! (It fits, I promise!)

Well here we are again mates! School is now in full swing, and I FINALLY have just the slightest bit of free time. I don't know when I'll get around to publishing this, or if I ever will, but I need to write again. There's something about it that's so fulfilling.

Life is great. I am so incredibly blessed and so happy. Don't get me wrong: great does not equal easy. Easy? hahaha! I laugh in the face of easy! It's been a tough ride, but one I wouldn't miss for the world. Life is the journey, not the destination. (Although God's made the destination worth waiting for!)

As the title implies, a LOT has changed recently. I've attempted to write blogs on these changes before, but they always come across as repetitive. Maybe someday I'll publish those when I can reword them. But today's topic is about change, and more specifically friendship.

I give to you....

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Silver and Gold: Making and Keeping Friends

I was having a conversation the other day with one of my new friends about the friends we left behind at home. We ended up talking about all sorts of things, both lighthearted and serious. As we talked I started to give my perspective on things and realized that I was quoting a song to describe how I felt about my old friends. It's from A Very Potter Sequel, and it goes something like this. I started by saying that I didn't want to say goodbye to my old friends at first, but I knew that 

It's not forever, not forever no.

And even if it was, you know that I would never let it get me down

Cause you're the part of me that makes me better wherever I go.

So I will try not to cry, cause no one needs to say goodbye!

The lyrics are really true though. Over the summer, the more I thought about losing my old friends, I realized that thought in and of itself was wrong. I wasn't going to lose anyone. I was just saying "see you later!" I mean I'm coming home each summer! And I began to think that even if it was goodbye, I'd still see them in Heaven. Be that as it may, if I did have to say goodbye for now, I wouldn't be upset because I'd always have the memories that I made with them. I'd always have the ways that they made me into a better person. Even if we never saw each other again, they would always be with me. 

YES I know it's corny, but it's true! Many times the truth sounds corny, but that doesn't make it less true.

Think about your friends. They make you who you are. Good or bad, friends shape who you are, even in ways you can't control. Our friends  shape the way we think, the way we act, and the way we look at the world around us. That's why picking good ones is so important. No matter where we go, or what we do, we will be who we are because of the friends we have had.

As I was thinking about this, I realized too that leaving didn't mean I had to let my old friends go. There's an old saying "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." Why should I give up something great if I don't have to? Often times it seems like we have to get rid of all the old to make way for the new. Granted: I haven't kept up with many of my old friends the amount I would like to, and many I have lost touch with altogether. Even so, when I go home to visit, they are all there waiting, and we pick up just where we left off. Don't let society, people around you, or even your own misconceptions about the world lie to you. You don't have to let go of old friends to make new ones. You may not keep in touch with the old as often as you'd like, and you may grow distant, but they are still your friends, and shouldn't be let go for something as trivial as time apart.

Getting ready to leave, I was realistic. While I had no intention of dropping my old friends, I knew that I would need to make new friends where I was going. I couldn't just stay in the past. God calls us to love one another as He loved us. And how does He love us? Like a hurricane: unrelenting and strong. Like a cool breeze on a summer day: soothing and gently. He loves us with a never-ending love. If we are called to love as He does, we too are called to share in that outpouring of love. How can we do this if we don't have hearts to pour love into? We are called as disciples of Christ to make friends and to pour His love into their lives. 

God's love is a gift of self. You can't give yourself to others if you don't have someone to give it to. God calls us by our baptism to share in His plan for salvation. That means that He calls us, by virtue of belonging to Him, to make friends. He didn't create us to be alone. That's one reason He made Eve. He gave us a community to love, care for, and support one another. It is our vocation to love one another. Bet you never thought of making friends like that, huh?

I got involved in my Church, and instantly formed a solid friend-group. We love and support each other, and we truly are a family. I didn't stop there though. I have friends all over campus now, from all different political and religious viewpoints, and all different backgrounds. And that's great too! Everyone needs to see God's love for them. After all, we are the only Christ some people will see. 

Now my heart is overflowing with love. The more I made friends, the more I realized I was capable of loving. It's one of the weird paradoxes of our faith, and of love especially. The more we give of ourselves, the more we find we have to give. I'm so blessed by God to have been put where I am, surrounded by a group of amazing people, and in a place I truly feel I belong. I have my friends at home, and now I have a new group of friends here. They both are a huge part of who I am, and I don't have to let go of either one.

I don't tell you all of these things to brag. Ya'll know by now, I hate talking about myself. But God is so great that sometimes we just need to shout it out, you know? Not only that, but I share this to let you know that this is exactly what you can have too. You can have both: old and new. Regardless of how tough life is now (like I said, my life is great, not easy), it will get better. Regardless of how bad the people around you might seem, God will point you in the direction of the people who need you. Who knows, the worst people may even be the people who need you the most!

So, how do you go about finding these friends? 

Answer: Pray. Ask God to send you people that can help you. Ask Him to send you to the people that need your help; to those that need to see Him; to those that most need love. Then be open to the answer. Be open to the Holy Spirit moving in you. Don't get caught up in what people look like, or first impressions. Far too many times I've let that keep me from getting to know people. Then when I finally get to know them, I regret not knowing them sooner because I see them for who they are. Also, be social, even if it's not easy for you. Say hello. Introduce yourself. And SMILE. Show them God's light and His love. He'll put you where you need to be, when you need to be there, if you just listen.

God's blessed me so much with the friends I have, and I can't wait to meet the friends I have in my future. I know that they'll be great. I will pray that you find the friends you were called to make as well. They're waiting for you!

I'll end by sharing this picture with you, that sort of sums it all up:

 (Yes it's from Kingdom Hearts. I'm having a nerd moment ok?)

Just keep thinking of your friends, and praying for them. Then even if you don't see them again, you know that you'll always be together. And who knows, maybe your journey together has only just begun. Or maybe it has yet to!

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The song today is one that you all know: You've Got a Friend in Me by Randy Newman. What other song could possibly capture this topic as well?

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

When the road looks rough ahead

And you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed

You just remember what your old pal said

Boy you've got a friend in me

Yeah you've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

You got troubles and I got 'em too

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you

We stick together, we can see it through

'Cause you've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am

Bigger and stronger too

Maybe

But none of them

Will ever love you the way I do

It's me and you boy

And as the years go by

Our friendship will never die

You're gonna see it's our destiny

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

1 John 4:7 says  "Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God." 

Show God's love to others through your friendship. Spread His light and love to both the old and the new. 

Until next time my friends, I'll be praying for you!

Keep praying for me too!

~Wanted~

Riders on the Storm

How navigating life can feel at times

Good morrow friends! It has been a while! Summer has come and passed, and here we are in a new school year. Lots of changes abound, and life continues onward. If this beginning seems rambly, it's probably because it is. I just really needed to write tonight, so here I am! 

Anyways... Events in my life and the lives of others over this past summer made it abundantly clear what my next topic should be. Without further ado....

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Braving the Storms - The Ups and Downs of Life

Thunderstorms are awesome. Literally awesome. They inspire awe. I mean do you want to be outside during one of them? Imagine yourself outside in the worst thunderstorm you can remember. Thunder and lightning rage all around you. Rain pours down so hard that it stings your skin. All you want to do is seek shelter, but there's hardly any, and what there is is close to paper thin, only taking away the sting of the rain. Lightning pounds the ground around you, and thunder shakes the air. All you can do is sit breathless and wait it out, doing the best you can to make it through. In awe of the storm. 

Isn't that how life feels a lot of the time? Like a never-ending storm? I have this paper to write and this class to go to and this friend to see. I have this problem to solve and that one and another. Family and friends and school and work. Or the failing of dreams. Or any number of things. Sometimes living just feels a little bit like dying inside. Like that boat in the picture, tossed about in the waves.

This past summer, I had a storm or two. People in my life made mistakes. Deep ones. And I had to deal with the aftermath. I had to face leaving behind everything I know and embracing a new reality (a separate post on that is coming soon!). And my prayer life had it's ups and downs. I was like that little boat, going up and going down, just trying not to capsize. I didn't understand why God was letting all that happen to me. Why? I mean did I deserve it? Did I do something wrong? And why wasn't He answering my prayers? Why weren't these people getting help? Why was He letting all this occur in the first place? Why did there have to be a storm?

Sadly, it's a fact of life that there are storms. Bad things happen. Rough patches hit. We all have them, and we all have to get through. They are never easy or fun, and really put us to the test. Let me repeat that: The storms of our life put us to the test.

Here we've found a key. Storms push us to grow. To be better. To become the best us we can be. When I got through those storms, I was the best version of myself I had ever been up to that point. Yes, they were tough. I lost a very dear friend. I endured a lot of drama. I asked questions about my faith and pushed myself. But it was all worth it. I came out of it all with stronger friendships. And my faith? It was the strongest it had ever been. I was the happiest with myself I ever had been when I finally emerged from the storms. Storms are our chance to grow. They are God's way of saying: It's time to move on, you are meant for so much better!

John 15:18-20 says ""If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own; but because you do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you. Remember the word I spoke to you,  'No slave is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours."

God told us there would be storms, but that storms would make us stronger:

"Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3

Storms are never easy, but God lets them happen so that we can become who we were meant to be. Or really, who we are. We already have all the qualities God made us with, we just have to draw them out. In hardship we are made into who we already are. Think of refining a metal in a furnace. The heat is so hot the metal almost melts, but then it emerges stronger than it was before. That's what happens to us in our storms. The metal was there all along, the furnace just made it more of what it was. Storms make us more of who we are.

I can honestly say that I've never enjoyed a storm of life. But every time I emerge I am so glad that they happened, because the person they make me into is so much more than the person I was before. I know this to be true for many of my friends as well. The next time you encounter a storm, embrace it. Thank God for it. Through the testing you will be made stronger. Life has it's ups and downs, but it wouldn't be complete without them. And if we never experienced our dips and turns, we'd never really become who we are. 

The most important thing to remember is that God is always with us. He never leaves us, and never lets us navigate the storms alone. I picked the picture of a boat for a very particular reason. Remember the story in the Bible about Jesus in a storm? Jesus and the disciples were on a boat, out fishing. Jesus was taking a nap. It was a nice day and the weather was fine. Suddenly a storm came upon them, a massive storm. The disciples were afraid. Think of what a big storm that must have been, that fishermen who have spent their entire lives at sea are scared! These are grown men, not kids! And yet through all this Jesus sleeps. The disciples all in a panic awake Him, telling Him they fear for their lives. Jesus tells them to trust Him, then says to the storm "Be still". The storm immediately goes away and the sea is once again calm.

Jesus calmed the storm. We never encounter our storms alone. All we have to do is trust in Him. He guides us through them all along, and says to them "Be still" when they become too much for us to handle. The pains of this life are only temporary, and He is with us to navigate us through even the bumpiest of seas.

I started this post by saying that storms inspire awe. Yes, they are scary when you are trapped in them, and are had to get through. But they bring such great things: those beautiful just before rain/just after rain smells, the pitter-patter of raindrops, the beautiful lightning flashes and grandiose rolls of thunder, and much needed nourishment to plants. Not only are storms impressive when they are here, but they also show their impact when they are gone. The storms in our life bring good things, just as thunderstorms do, we just have to look at them the right way. Our ups and downs of life are truly awesome too.

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Whenever you feel like your pain is too much, remember that Jesus Himself had storms in His life. I mean facing your own death is pretty rough! Nothing is too great or too small to bring to Him.

The song tonight comes from the artist Laura Story, "Blessings"

In it she talks about all the things we pray for, and how sometimes it feels like He doesn't answer. How sometimes we just want the storms to end. It tells of how God lets us grow through the storms:

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?

Listen to the rest of the song, it really defines the truth of our storms.

And remember that He is always with you, no matter what:

"And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

Never give up, you are worth so much more than that! Weather the storms, and become who you are.

Praying for you all!

Until next time,

~Wanted~

Time After Time

Time Stops for No One

Hello all! Hope everything is going well for all of you! It's been a while since I've wrote, and I've got lots of new ideas flowing. Summer has been busier than ever before, but it's been great! It's really been one of the best summer's ever. 

And one of the saddest.

Why?

Because it's my last. Well last like this anyways. When school starts again in the fall, life will be vastly different than anything I've known my entire life up to this point. I'm comfortable where I am. Happy. Unfortunately for me, we were not called to comfort, but for greatness (another post for another time). So they'll be a lot that changes. As such, it's a summer of firsts.... and of many lasts as well (again, separate post on that). But through all of the firsts and the lasts, I've had a lot of time to reflect. And if there's anything you've learned from me by now it's that thinking is a very dangerous thing for me to do.

With that, we begin....

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How Am I Different?

Yep. That's what's been coming to mind. Over and over again. Certain things strike me in particular. I suppose a good place to start would be LTLC. I have an entirely separate post on my LTLC experience which can be found here. I actually read back over it as I was preparing to write this post. That week was the best week of my life so far. I tell that to everyone who asks what LTLC is like, and my answer is the same no matter who asks it. Lifeteen Leadership Conference 2012 was the best week of my life to date. I met so many amazing people, and grew in so many ways, that nothing else can really compare. I kept the journal I wrote that week, and still read over it from time to time when I need inspiration, or just a reminder of who I am. I'll never forget the memories of that week.

But that week isn't the point of this post. No, as I said, that was a year ago. LTLC 2013 has come and passed, and there are 500 new teens out there feeling exactly what I did as the retreat ended. It was something new. It wasn't a retreat high, but a true commitment to get my life started and turned around. And I held to it pretty well.... for a while.

As LTLC 2013 came and passed, it made me realize that it had been a year. Yes it's an obvious observation, but it hit me hard. It had been a whole year since I was there. Since I saw nuns walking down the street next to a game of frisbee; since I got to pray at the bench overlooking the river; since I talked to absolute strangers that grew into friends I still talk to to this day. A whole year. And that made me think. It's been a year. It was the best week of my life. I was changed, or so I said. So how am I different? What changes in my life have I made that make me any different than I was a year ago?

How have I changed? First I didn't want to even ask that question. It's a scary question to ask. It asks that we take a look at ourselves and deeply consider our lives as they were and as they are. That level of introspection is enough to frighten even the best of us. But it is a question that all of us need to ask. 

I started to really think about it. And what I found.... well it was mixed. There were some areas of my life where I had soared to new heights. I had made even deeper friendships, and committed my life to God more than I ever had before. I had really committed to this blog and spreading God's love in this way. I had been nicer to my family, and worked more on the relationships I already had. And many other more personal things.      But there were also many lows. True faith takes work. I'm going to repeat that again for emphasis. True Faith Takes Work. It's not something you wake up one day and decide: ok, I'm going to be close to God now. That's is a great start. It is a fantastic start. But that's all it is: a start. Then you have to take action. You have to pray each and everyday, developing the relationship between you and your Father. You have to go to the Sacraments. And you have to act. If there are areas of your life that are inconsistent with your beliefs, then sadly they have to go. It's not easy. But God never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it. Faith takes work. And as I took a hard look at my life, I realized that I hadn't been putting in my hours. I had a great start. But there were many areas of my faith life that needed fixing.

The great thing about that is that now I know. Jesus himself said He did not come to Heal the healthy but the sick. There are areas of my life that are still sick. Now that I know what they are, I can hand them over to Him to be fixed. I don't expect it to be easy. In fact I very readily expect it to be some of the hardest work I've ever done. But in the end it will be worth it. I mean what's a little work when you consider that all your effort is just bringing you closer and closer to Love, not just any love, but Love Himself.

I never would have recognized where I needed work if I hadn't been willing to ask myself the question How have I changed? We are all called to ask ourselves this question. Not just once a year, but monthly, weekly, even daily. How have I changed since I got up this morning? What do I need to do better tomorrow? A daily examination of conscience can help with this. See, as Catholics we are never called to remain where we are at. God is never done with us. We can always grow more. We might get comfortable with where we are at, but again, we are called for so much more. If we get too comfortable, we can begin to slide without knowing it, and end up further down than we've ever been before. Watching yourself, asking every once in a while "How have I changed?" is a great way to stop the slide. Once you know where you are at, you can better figure out how to get where you're going. 

So it's been a year, and I've changed. I know that I have more work to do, but that with God's help I can do it. I can still be bold and set the world on fire, just as I said I would a year ago. My heart is still on fire. The fire has changed, but it's still there. The Way is still waiting for me to walk. Love is still right there, waiting for me to let Him in. Truth is staring me in the face, and I am ready to accept it. A lot has happened in a year.

It's been a year. How have you changed?

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2 Corinthians 5:17 says "So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come." We are in Christ. We should be new. Asking yourself what has changed can help you grow. Then each and every day you can be that new creation.

Finding a song for today was difficult. But I think it found just the one.

This is the first day of the rest of your life

This is the first day of the rest of your life

'Cause even in the dark, you can still see the light

It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright

The song is "Hold Us Together" by Matt Maher. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Once you find what's broken, you can fix it. Today is the only day you are guaranteed. Take full advantage of it. Be the best you that you can be. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Make your changes. How are you different today than yesterday?

 

I Dare You

Aren't you though?

Howdy everyone! School's over and done with! And now it's summer! Life's in an interesting time for me right now. It's a mix between really happy moments, and really sad moments. In short, it's bittersweet. I'm so ready for the next four years, and the changes they'll bring. At the same time, I don't want to let go. I don't want to say goodbye to so many of my friends, change where I live, change so much about my life. It's exciting and scary all in one.

I'd been thinking about all this for quite a while. Now it's real. And as it's come, I've realized many things. The first is the above quote. I am soo lucky that it's hard for me to say goodbye. It reminds me of just how blessed I am. If any of my friends are reading this now, thank you for everything. Keep in touch!

Yeah, I'm going to miss a ton, but I know that with God at my side it'll all be ok. 

Today sent me another reminder of things though. One of my friends sent me the story of Zach Sobiech today. If you haven't heard of him, you should look him up!! (Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NjKgV65fpo) He was a young man with terminal cancer that just died on the 20th of this month. He didn't let that stop him from living though. He just kept on living, and kept on doing what he knew best: making others happy, right to the end. He reminded me of many things. 

It's with that, that I begin today's topic. If I seem a bit scatterbrained, forgive me. I'm processing a lot for lack of a better word. :p

So.....

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Living

Funny right? I've done a post about letting go already (check it out here!) so that's not what this one is about. And no, this isn't about death either. Maybe I'll do that one someday. Not now. No, what that young man inspired me to write about was living, truly living.

I am dying right now. Now don't freak out guys, because guess what? You are too! Every second we live is a second closer to death as well. Everyone dies. It's a fact of life. And it's ok. Lion King, remember? Circle of life, etc. What matters is what we do with the time we have left. There's this poem I've heard a few times called "The Dash" by Linda Ellis (found here). Basically on your tombstone there's this dash between the dates of birth and death. That one small little line summarizes your entire life. Because the date you were born and the date that you died aren't really as important as what you did with the time in between, no matter how short or how long. 

How much longer do you have? How much longer do I have? You know, neither one of us can know that. I might have 50 years or 50 seconds (though if I finish this post, it's probably not the second one!) So what does that mean? Well, there are only a few things left to do then. I could curl up into a ball and be constantly afraid of the end - not really my cup of tea. I could continue living life like I'm going to live forever - not ideal. Or I could live each and every day to the fullest. I'm feeling the third one. If I do that, then it doesn't matter which day is my last.

So here we are, at the crux of the issue: because we will die, we should live. I don't mean just watching life pass from the sidelines like some sort of Nick Carroway. I mean diving in, headfirst, even if the water feels like it's 20 degrees and it's winter. Because ultimately, it's what we are all called to do.

There are so many people in the world today who aren't living. Myself included sometimes. There are so many people who think they don't deserve to live. There are so many people who don't think they can. I was thinking about it the other day, when it hit me:
God created all of us for a reason. A task only we could do. We are all called to know, love, and serve Him. We are called to do that in different ways. The very fact that you and I are still here, are still breathing, are still talking, means that our job is not done. God says that we have more to do. He says, by our simply breathing, that we are SOO important that the world literally could not function without us. If it could, we wouldn't be here. We aren't done yet. And We are sooo important that without us His plan wouldn't go the same way. We are irreplaceable, and completely necessary. Just by still existing.
So you see, we are CALLED to live. Interesting huh?
Then what does it mean to live?

Anyone can survive. All that takes is breathing in and out. It's so easy that most of the time our bodies do it on autopilot. It's harder to live. Living takes action and movement and participation. Not just watching, but doing. Living means doing what you love. It means doing what you are called to do. It means doing what makes you happy. It means doing and being what God made you to be; what you were created for. It might not be what you think it will be, but if you watch, it'll be great.

Alright so how do you live? In short: serve. It doesn't have to be in the traditional way. Just do what you are meant to do to make the world a better place. That young man Zach? He was kind to everyone he met, always smiled, and left his music for people to share. It doesn't have to be big things. It just has to be you. It means you do the best you can each day because you don't know which one is your last. Yeah, some days you might mess up, but don't get bogged down by them. Just start over. Live each day being the best person you can be. That way if your last day does come suddenly, you won't regret time not spent. You won't regret not getting done everything that you could. You won't regret not serving others more. You won't regret not loving more. In short: you'll be ready.

Everybody dies. Not everybody lives. Live your life.
Matthew 6:43 says:
"Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil."

Live today. That way if tomorrow doesn't come, you know that you gave it your best shot. Make your dash something beautiful.
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Today's song is "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot. It's all about living life, no matter the past, no matter the mistakes, no matter the future for that matter. It's where the title comes from today.

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

Like today never happened

Today never happened before

Move. Live. Love. Serve. Don't let your dash pass by in a blink.
Jeremiah 29:11 says:
"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope."

Listen to the plans, and live them. You're still breathing, so you're still called to live.
God loves you always.

Praying for you all!

Until next time,

~Wanted~