... why?

  

How could one word carry so much?

I've had writer's block for a long time, and I think it's finally starting to fade. I miss you all! Hope you're still here with me! Life's going great, and the end of school is so close I can almost taste it!

Tonight's topic is rough, as you could probably tell by the title and the picture. So I'll just dive on in.

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Finding Answers

Do you know the amount of pain that is going on as you read this, and I write it? There are people who want to die. There are people suffering so badly they with they didn't exist. There are people being abused. There are people dying. There are people waiting to be killed. There are kids waiting for the dad to come home and he never will. There are hearts being broken and words going unspoken that will change lives forever.

So, Much. Pain.

And what is the first response? The most natural response, after maybe anger, or fear, or confusion. Asking. People ask all kinds of things: Why are you doing this to me? Why did daddy leave? Why doesn't anyone understand me? Why can't people just leave me alone? 

So. Many. Questions.

The biggest of which is put to God:

Why God?

Why me? Why did they leave? Why did she take my heart? Why do I hate myself? Why did he divorce her? Did I do something wrong? Was it something I said?

Why? Why let bad things happen to good people? What did I do to deserve it? Why is there so much suffering in the world? Why is there suffering at all? Why don't you just take my pain away? Why not, if you're all good like you say?!? Why did they have to die? Why can't it all just stop?

 And so many other questions like that.

Why?

Why let the horrors in the news happen?

To tell you the truth, I have no answer. I don't. I've been asking all of them too. And I've gotten mad at God. That's ok to do you know? To get mad at Him. God wants our everything. If we're happy, He wants our happiness. If we're sad, He wants our sorrows. If we're angry, He wants our anger. He wants us to scream at Him at the top of our lungs if that's how we feel. 

Why is that? Because being with God is a relationship. Prayer, is a relationship. Think of it like your best friend. Do you ever get mad at him/her? Of course! Do you fight? Of Course! And it's not healthy to hold that back, because your friendship could break up. When you're happy, you guys celebrate. When you're sad, he/she comforts you. When you're upset they ask what's wrong. So too with God and prayer. Yell at Him if that's where you are. He'll help you fix it.

Why is it that we get no answers then? Aren't relationships two sided? We ask, and ask and ask, but it seems most of the time all I get is a busy signal. Maybe that's just me. It's like you're trying to find someone, but you just keep missing them. I feel like He's not answering. He is, I just don't realize it. There's 2 parts to it.

First, is that you have to listen.

Funny right? But it's true. Have you ever tried calling someone at the same time as you? One of 2 things happens. You either get a busy signal, or it goes straight to voice mail.  So you try calling again, and the same thing happens. Neither one of you is going to get through to the other until one stops calling. Prayer is like that. You have to stop asking questions and wait. God is going to give you an answer. The only way you can hear it is if you stop focusing on what you have to say, and start focusing on His response. You can't think about what you're going to say and listen at the same time. Otherwise you miss parts. Important parts. Listen.

Second, is that the answer is not always what you'd expect.

God's will for us is perfect. He wants what's best for us. Why does that include pain? I don't know, but it does. When we pray for an end to our pain, does He give it? Sometimes, sure, if it's time for it to end. But when it's not His will, he won't. Most of the time what He'll do is show you WHY you go through your pain. The answer might not be immediate. It might unfold over years in subtle ways and little insights. Many times it does. That's why it's so important to listen and be vigilant. It can be hard to hear the answer. The answer will come, for you and me both. We just have to keep our eyes open for it.

So why do bad things happen?

I don't know. I asked and asked and asked, and the answer wasn't coming.

Until one day, when I was sitting in Mass. I was silent just long enough to realize that I wasn't listening. That I was guilty of over-dialing. Shutting down for just a few moments, I realized that in order to get my answers, I needed to stop asking why. I needed silence. Only then could God speak. The phone started ringing.

Be Silent. The answers will come.

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One of my favorite songs is "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday. There are a couple lyrics that popped into my head as I was sitting in Mass that day:

"And finding answers is forgetting all of the questions we call home."

I had never been able to understand what that quote meant before that moment. It was one part of a beautiful song that remained a mystery. It hit me then: to find the answers, we've got to "forget" our questions. We've got to let them go. When we let go of our fears, our confusion, our questions, and just let God speak, great things happen. When we just let Him work, we get the answers we seek.

If you ever get the chance, listen to the whole song. It speaks to someone who's asking why, in their own life. He finds His answers, but it takes time. You will too. Here's the chorus:

 "And I've lost who I am, 

and I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken,
rejecting your love,  without, 

love gone wrong; lifeless words carry on 

But I know, all I know's that the end's beginning 

who I am from the start, 

take me home to my heart 

Let me go and I will run, 

I will not be silent,  all this time 

spent in vain; wasted years wasted gain
All is lost but hope remains and this war's not over
There's a light, there's a son 

taking all these shattered ones
To the place we belong
AND HIS LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL"

Pain.... well it sucks. Suffering? Yeah, that too. 

I still don't know why God lets these things happen. It's tough.

Maybe I'll never have all the answers. But I'll never know unless I try.

Now I'm going to start listening.

Psalm 46:10 says "Be Still, and know that I am God."

Be still. Be silent. Listen.

He'll answer your "Why" in ways more amazing then you could even imagine, if you're paying attention.

Forget the questions, Find your answers.

Praying for you always!

Until Next Time,

~Wanted~