It's So Hard To Say Goodbye

Sorry for taking so long to write! School's so busy! Man it knows how to get in the way of important things! haha :p. Well I'm going through a bit of a rough time here, and so I thought instead of just moping, I'd turn it into creativity. I've already written 2 songs, and now I decided that it's time to write again. I have a whole bunch more ideas coming your way soon, so stay tuned and stick with me. I won't let you down!

As I write this post, my dog is dying. Don't worry, it's ok. He's just very old, and it's his time. I'd be lying if I said this were easy though. It's been a lifetime with him, or at least it feels that way. Life's going to be very different when he's gone. His ridiculous personality, excitement at every new person, and hakuna matata philosophy (if dogs can have philosophy.... separate topic for a separate time. You know what I mean. ... Back to the topic!) I get a little personal tonight, so please cut me some slack. With that, the topic tonight is a toughie....

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Letting Go

Fuuun topic right?! If you couldn't tell that was sarcasm there. It's a topic that none of us want to face, but we all have to at one point or another. It might be small things like old childhood toys, or bigger like a friend moving away or people growing up, or maybe even a death  of a pet or relative. In any case,  it's never easy.

It's been two days since I started writing the stuff above, and I've had a lot of time to think. Yeah my dog's still here. Poor buddy. But God's given me exactly what I needed: time. He gave me time to say goodbye. I've mourned, and while I'm sad that he's going, I can only be thankful for the amazing life that he had until now, and thankful for all the time I had with a wonderful dog. There's something very peaceful in that. Not being bitter. But thankful. Reflect on what you do have. It makes losing things much easier.

Like I said, I'd be deluding you if I said you never had to let go of anything. Some things are easier than others. For instance if I have to let go of this blog. Yeah, I'd be a little sad because I enjoy writing, but I wouldn't get upset about it, and the world would be fine. Other things are a BIG deal. Like a friend moving away. Or a death.  The larger things are the toughies. Being used to having that person/animal/sentimental thing there and then one day it's gone... it's difficult. So what do you do?

Like I said, Focus on the positive. As I sat with my dog just petting him the other night, I thought back on all the good times we've had together. The first night we brought him home my little brother was eating a bacon cheeseburger. We got home and he took one bite out of it, and the whole thing fell on the floor. Before we had a second to react, the dog ran up and ate it in seconds. It might not be that funny to someone who doesn't know him, but if you do, it means something really special. Or that time that he dragged me down the street as he chased a cat ( Man could he pull! It was like trying to hold back a bull!). Or when we used to wrestle when he was younger. And so many other things. All the good times came back. And it helped me.

It helps so much to focus on the positive. If you focus on the bad times when you have to let people/animals/things/etc. go, you will only end up making yourself even more upset than you were in the first place. By focusing on the good memories, you can ease your pain, and letting go becomes just a little easier. Why? Because you keep in mind what a great run you've had, and that that time will be special, but that it's time to move on.

Which leads me to part 2: Acceptance. Yep, unfortunately this is also part of it. You have to come to terms with the fact that what you have to let go of is gone. I love my dog so much. I'm really going to miss him. But no matter how upset I get, or angry, or what have you, I can't bring him back. It's just his time. I'm so thankful for the time we had together, and understand that God's calling him back now. It's the nature of life. Death follows life follows death follows life. A cycle. By focusing on the good and seeing all the good things that happened in our time with what we love, it becomes easier to accept that it's gone, and move on. And let go. That doesn't mean you don't mourn. Goodness have I mourned. But it's made his death so much easier when I stopped getting myself worked up. I realize that he's old and there's nothing anyone can do, so instead of getting upset, I accepted that this really is it. Now I can focus on making him as comfortable for the rest of the time that he's here, however long that may be. When you accept the situation as it is, you can work to make the best out of it as possible.

Again, this doesn't mean you don't mourn. I'll still be really upset when he dies. In fact, it's so difficult to even write this, but it's a way of helping me cope. I've been sad all week. My friends at school can tell something's a little off. And that's fine, normal, good. Why? We don't mourn for things we never loved. We don't miss things we never cared about. We don't get upset over things that don't have meaning to us. When we mourn, it's proof (at least to some extent) that we loved in the first place. As death is a part of life, so is mourning. And it's not good to skip this step. If you do, you can end up bottling things, which is unhealthy. Mourn. Let yourself be sad, and then when you are ready, move on. All I'm saying is that we can't let mourning rule our lives. Sadness is fine, but then the people we miss, animals, etc. wouldn't want us to spend the rest of our lives upset because they aren't there. I know I wouldn't. If I died tomorrow, I'd appreciate people missing me, but I wouldn't want them to spend the rest of their lives upset because I'm gone. There's so much more out there than just me! or your special one, animal, what have you. See where I'm going with this?

There's one more important thing: don't go at it alone. That doesn't mean you walk around telling everyone "Oh I'm SOOOO upset and I want you to be too!" It does mean that you have a few people that you can lean on in your time of need. .. or if you're reading this and you've talked to me this week you know that for me this time, it's been a lot of people. Whatever the case may be, remember the saying "your mind is a bad neighborhood, never go in it alone." I know for me there's been one friend of mine who knows exactly what I'm going through and has helped me through every step. It makes a big difference. Yes, sometimes we just want to be alone when we are sad, but other times it helps to surround yourself with people. It eases the pain and takes your mind off of it. To all my friends who are helping me through this, I say thank you. And to that one friend, who knows who he/she is, I thank you deeply. I think we're even now ;).

As a parting, remember this. It helps to say goodbye. Saying goodbye and letting go is never easy. But we all have to face it. You can. Remember that you are never alone! God is always here, and can get you through everything. He's helped me so much this week, and probably more than I'll ever know in ways that I'll never know. He's waiting if you ever need him. As you let go, pray this. God bless.

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. - Numbers6:24-26
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Hope this helps. And thanks for letting me rant. This week of all weeks I needed it. Saying goodbye, letting go, moving on, it's painful. But as one door closes, another opens. To quote Doctor Who "This song is ending, but the story never ends." As this is partly a tribute to my dog, I think you'd get a kick out of reading "A Dog Named Beau" by Jimmy Stewart (http://www.reelclassics.com/Actors/Jimmy/jimmy-poem.htm). It's a beautiful poem that I had to perform in 4th grade. I didn't have the feelings behind it then. Now I do. I wish I didn't.

I know you'll never read this buddy (you're a dog, duh!!) but I'm really going to miss you. Thanks for all the fun, all the comfort, all the laughter, and even all the bugging me. You always cheered me up. Sometimes I took you for granted. I'm sorry. I'm really going to miss you. Rest in Peace buddy.

"Life won't ever be quite the same,
I'll always love a dog named Blaine"

~Wanted~

What If?

A Scary Question!

"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?

                                                                                            ~Letters to Juliet~      

OK OK, so ignore the fact that that the quote I just used was from a chick flick. They fit! Yeah these two posts are really close together (or at least they are when I started this one!) But like I said, I just got inspiration to write about this, and when I do I need to write or I'll lose what I wanted to say! And if you know me.... well I talk just a little too much! So it's better for me to get things out here.

I'm doing something I haven't done so far, and don't normally plan on doing, but this time needed it. The topic tonight is exactly the title. It comes from one of my heroes, Mark Hart. And it leads to the true topic tonight. So I guess maybe I'm not so far off after all. Without further ado, the topic of the night...

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What If?    

What if is a scary question to ask. It's one that can get us into a lot of trouble. It can waste a life. What if I'd chosen not to do that? What if I'd said yes? What if I did move? What if? Like the quote said above, those two little tiny words can make you rethink your life a million times over. But they have power to evoke great change in your life. Why is this the topic of the night? Well it's leading into the true topic.

The Eucharist

The source and summit of our faith. Jesus Christ truly present, body, blood, soul, and divinity. The greatest gift humanity has ever been given. Even the angels cannot receive this gift! The true presence of Christ is also one of the hardest things in all of existence to accept. Notice I didn't say understand. I don't think any of us will really ever fully understand it. But accept. It's one of the things that is non-negotiable of the Catholic faith. (If you're not Catholic and you haven't figured it out by now, this one's kinda geared towards them. Feel free to read though!) ... (In fact do read!) ... (And tell your friends too!) ... (But now I'm getting off topic...)

But even though we profess to believe it, so many people in their heart of hearts don't! And you know what? I don't judge them at all. I have to pray all the time for help in that area. Rather I pray for them too. It's such a beautiful gift if we take time to process the full impact of it. And yet so many people go up to receive it each and every weekend not knowing. Not believing. Oh it's just a piece of bread. Oh let's hurry so we can get out of the parking lot. Oh I wonder what I'm doing later.

What if?

I understand it's hard to believe. But Mark Hart offers an amazing prayer. I learned about it at a life night recently and it's stuck with me since then. It doesn't take long to pray, but it can change your life. If you're struggling with the True Presence, or even if you're not and you just want a different form of meditation, try this.

The next time you go up for communion, even if you don't believe pray "God, what if that's really you?"

Two small words.

What if?

What if that's really God? What would that mean? What amazing gifts would that bring? How could my life change if I really believed that? What if that bread is no longer bread, but the King of the Universe?

What if?

It's such an impactful prayer if you are willing to be open to the answers you might receive. It's not easy to believe in the Eucharist. It's such a very very difficult thing that God asks us to do. But the benefits are so much more. So next time ask... What If?

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Yeah, this one was shorter, but it needed to be! I just really wanted to share this message! I'm really just repeating what others have told me so I TAKE NO CREDIT FOR WHAT WAS SAID IN THIS POST. It was really just a compilation of what others have told me.

Here's the talk Mark Hart gave to help:

http://fathershane.com/post/12560757184/awesome-reflection-by-mark-hart-what-if-jesus-is

Let's see... verse and song, that's what's missing!

Verse is easy! John 6:35: 

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never go thirsty"

He said it, not me!

And now for the song!

From "What If" by Nichole Nordeman:

"But what if you're wrong? What if there's more?
What if there's hope you've never dreamed of hoping for?
What if You jump? Just close your eyes.
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by suprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?"

What if?

I think I'll write more on the Eucharist soon. There's so much that needs to be said!

Two in one day! Man! Hope they're good!

Until next time, God Bless!

~Wanted~

         

Do you trust Me?

He IS the fulfillment of all desire!

Summer's been so slow on writing, but so fast on growth! So many new experiences, new friends, new relationships, a new me. The life lessons I've learned and the people I've met will stay with me forever. It's been a roller-coaster of a summer - I've had my ups and downs, but God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Each and every experience I had was for a reason, and I wouldn't trade a single one.

I guess you could say this is my summer wrap up. Maybe I'll have another post this week, I'm not sure. For me, school started Monday. YUCK! That means it's finally time to start all that summer work! Just kidding! Though I should finish that reading!

Summer recap? Work for 7 weeks in an awesome lab with amazing people. Steubenville South - the Eight Day, the dawn of new creation. LTLC!!!!!!!!!! THE highlight of the summer! Living in Radiant Joy! There I met friends who I know will keep me going strong and on the right path. And I finally opened myself up to my vocation. (More on that later). Then came ACTS. I never knew how fulfilling service could be until now. Man I wish it never had to end! But then it's just a beginning right? The beginning of a new life. Of a new me. This summer has me resolved to become a better man. Because I finally feel like a man. Yeah I know that's corny, but it means something to me. To know what it means to be a man. But that's another post for another time.

"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:13. Going back to my vocation, I think that this quote is meant for us all. I'm finally ready to let go and let God. We all should, but trusting Him is so very, very hard. Therefore the topic tonight is.....

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Dying.... To Yourself

or another way to put it....

Trust Him

Haha no worries, this isn't a blog about death!!! It's all about trust. I started to write this post a week ago, but I just didn't have inspiration for it. When I write, I have to be passionate about it, or it's no good. Well  God gave me that inspiration, just later. Funny how He does things sometimes. All I'm going to say tonight basically boils down to this: If we trust Him we can do all things. If we stray... well then things won't go so well. Many of our problems in life stem from that fact that we are too strong. Say What?? Yes I did just say that. Or rather not that we really are too strong, but that we try to be on our own. We try and try and try on our own, and sometimes we make it, but many times we don't. In Him there is no thing that is impossible; when we become vulnerable He makes us strong.

I learned this past week that far too often God is our last resort. We try to handle our own problems on our own, and things go downhill. We turn to so many different places, and none of them work. Then finally when we are bent and broken and crushed, when all bets are off, when we are on the brink of despair, THEN we turn to God for help. And of course, over time, it all works out. What would happen if each and every time we encountered a problem we turned to Him first? That addiction: gone. That family feud: dissolved. That self-loathing: erased. Now, I'm not saying He's gonna erase all of your problems, because sadly, at least in my experience, that's not how God works. But I am saying that He's gonna help you, so that you don't have to be strong. If you can be vulnerable to God, then He'll open you up to His grace, which is enough to conquer any problem you ever encounter.

So where does this come in with self-sacrifice and trust? Well the reason God is a last resort is that wonderful human part of us that becomes corrupt sometimes: our pride. We are far too often to proud to simply let someone else in and lead us. It's an act of death to self to trust another person. To let another in to make plans for us. See the funny thing is, God already has plans for us! (Jer. 29:11) He just lets us go about making our own plans because, as we are beings with free will, He won't force us to do anything. But His plans are so much greater than ours!!! And if we let Him work right away, He'll save us so much of the heartache that plagues the world today. All it takes is the death of our own plans. The death of our own dreams. The death of our own self in a way.

Oh, that's all. NBD.

.....Yeah right!

It's SOOOOOO difficult. It's no small task God puts us up to. Dying to our own wants and plans and aspirations is not easy at all. And so often our plans seem to be so much clearer than God's. They follow a set path. They seem safe. They seem secure. And yeah, God's path seems like taking the old, falling apart bridge shrouded in mist across a giant chasm that's so deep you can't even see the bottom sometimes. Vivid language, I know. (Hey, sometimes I feel like that!) God's way might seem more uncertain. Sometimes it is. But it's so much better than our way!!

God NEVER promised it'd be easy, He only said it'd be worth it.
Trust isn't necessarily something that comes easy to me. At least not with God. Many times I feel like He has me standing on a ledge and is calling "Jump! I'll catch you!" (Metaphorically, of course!) And I really didn't jump before. I might have accidentally done it, but I'd never really trusted before. This summer I jumped. And it was scary, let me tell you. But in all that time I've never been happier. Or more at peace.

Think about it. I could spend time worrying about how things will work out... or I could let go and let God and see where life takes me! I used to spend all this time making decisions and making sure about 50 times that they were ones I really wanted to make - about the tiniest details! Now I just trust that I am where I need to be when I need to be there, as long as I listen to God. Does that mean I'm an expert? HAHAHAHAHAHA.... no. But I'm getting better.

Sorry... long spiel about me there. Point? Trust Him. It's never an easy thing to do. But it'll make you happy beyond your imagination. Lay down your life for Him, and He will take it and make it something so beautiful and so... radiant that your life will be a bright star in the darkness.

Ending song.... hmmm....
OH! PERFECT!
It's time for a classic. Maybe you'll recognize it. God's calling. Answer. Trust His path.
"Here I am Lord"

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you
Calling in the night.
I will go, Lord
If you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart

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Ok ok so maybe I didn't really follow the original topic so well this time around. What can I say? I'm only human.  But then maybe this is what I was supposed to write about in the first place!
I've been a bit distracted because I'm working on the next post already. It's gonna be good!

Sorry again for the delay! Hope all is well and God Bless!

~Wanted~

And On And On It Goes

This is our anthem, we are an Easter people!

I'm baack! Sorry for the long break but I needed it! Had to get away from school for a while and get my head back in the game! It's been a great few weeks and there's so much I need to discuss! I've made so many new friends (Shout out to my friends from Ohio and Florida!!) and learned so many new things that will make me into a better person.

It's gonna take a while, but like I learned, it's time to take the offensive. No more being reactive. No more just sitting and waiting for things to come to me. Now it's time for me to go out and do what I was meant to do.

It's time to.....

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BE BOLD

Where was I? Well I went on something called the Lifeteen Leadership Conference 2012. Me and 504 of my closest friends. ;)  

What did I learn? It's not enough to just exist. It's time to live! It's time to be who we were made to be.

Before this past week, I wasn't really living. Now, don't get scared, I'm not a zombie! XD. I was breathing and going about life, but I didn't know what I was doing. I was sort of going through the motions. I learned this week what it means to live, and how to do it.

Living means dying. YES, I said that. To really live you have to die! Before you do anything radical, I don't mean literally!!!! We have to die to ourselves if we are to truly live. It is in service to others that we can find our own meaning. Sure I want to lay on the couch all day... or just never get out of bed. You know, that sounds really nice! Last night I had this really cool dream about Captain America and... oh ya, off topic... anyways.... Yes I want to spend my days fighting off evil with superheroes safe in my bed but I've been called by God to do something so much more beautiful and special than that. I've been called (as have you!) to fight real evil in the world. I've been called to get up and go spend time with my brothers when all I want to do is lay around. I've been called to do the dishes when I just want a moment to rest. I've been called to help with the lawn when I really want to be practicing on the piano. Dying to myself is hard, but that's what we are called to do.

Life is so much more beautiful when we do.

We have to be bold and and let ourselves go in our daily lives. Doing extra nice things for people throughout the day, especially when they go unnoticed, is one small way to be bold in our everyday lives. There are other ways to be bold too. If you see someone upset, go up to them and offer to pray for or with them. Talk about being bold!

In the movie "We Bought a Zoo" they say that it only takes 20 seconds of insane courage to change a life forever. What if we lived with courage always? Imagine the world we could change! God has taken me and set me on fire for the world, and me and 500 of my best friends are going out into the world and we are going to change it forever.

I know how this sounds, "Oh, he's just coming off of a retreat high, this'll change in a few weeks." But you seem it's not! Well, I'm sure part of it is, but it's also SOOOO much more than that!!! It's a revolution. A generation of people who are finally ready to stand up and take back their faith. Take back the world. Bring the Truth, show the Way, show Love Himself. Yes, it's going to be difficult, but we can be bold because of the Spirit who makes us so. That's what I realized this past week. I could never do what I've been called to do on my own. It's true. And the beautiful reality is, I don't have to, I just have to let the Spirit work within me, and He'll take care of everything.

Being bold and following the right path does not mean that life will be any easier, or that we won't trip up. Haha I know firsthand that tripping is something that will still come naturally. And life being easy? I don't think so! Those who stand out are those who are most often persecuted! Doing that right thing takes guts and the knowledge that you will be persecuted. It's a guarantee! Jesus Himself said so. But He also said "Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you (falsely) because of Me.Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven." Matthew 5:11-12a

Rejoice and be glad. Do what you were meant to do. Be bold! I'll finish up here soon, but one thing remains to be explained...

So why the title? I heard a song over the week called "One Thing Remains".

And on and on and on it goes
it overwhelms and satisfies my soul.
And I'll never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains


Your love never fails
it never gives up
it never runs out on me

I feel like this is the call to be bold. And the way to do it. His love never fails us, and we never have to be afraid to do whatever He calls us to do! Never give up, never back down. BE BOLD.
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I feel like this blog is going to start taking a different direction now, but we'll have to see where it goes! I'll try to start writing more again, and i'll be sure to add to the videos section soon!

I'll leave you with this: do you know what the most repeated phrase in the Bible is? It's not about God's wrath. It's not a warning. It's not a rule.

Be not afraid.

Go out into the world, be who He called you to be. Be not afraid, He goes before you always.

Until next time my friends, God bless!

~Wanted~

We're Watchin.... and We're Waitin

So true

Well friends, plans change, for better or worse. Now you get to spend even MORE time with me this weekend haha. Sometimes things just don't go the way we want them to, you know? We do everything in our power to make them happen and to make everyone happy, but it doesn't always work out. For better or worse, stuff happens, and people let us down. In these cases we have 2 choices: 1. We can let it ruin our day or 2. We can learn to let it go and enjoy what we do have. 

Today's Topic is...

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Disapointment

Wow, even the title on this one is depressing! haha. Well lighten up! It's not the end of the world.... at least not yet anyways! That's a really dumb expression if you think about it, for many reasons. It's never the end of the world until it is, so why worry about it? And is the end of the world such a bad thing? Every end is simply a new beginning after all. But I digress...

We all experience disappointments from time to time. For me it was today. I was supposed to hang out with a friend that I haven't seen in months today, but they cancelled last minute, and now it'll be almost a year until I'll get another chance to hang out with them. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset, but there's more to life than this one friend. 

I've received much advice on this topic in my short lifetime, and much of it has come from people my age. Some of it follows. We can't rely on others for our own happiness. We have to be happy on our own, because like it or not, people let us down. It might not be big things, but people do. God doesn't. He might let us go down paths that we don't understand, and we might not see what He's doing, but He'll never let us down. We can rely on Him for our happiness. And ourselves. No one else can make you happy or sad but you. YOU chose to be happy, YOU chose to be sad. It's up to you, not anyone else.

When we are upset or disappointed, a way to focus on other things is to count our blessings. Yeah, so I don't get a night out, but I've got lots of time to work on other things. I have more time to write now. I have more time to work on my music now. I've got a great family and a great life and great friends (yeah, even the one who let me down). Now I've got time to get ready for work tomorrow. I can get more sleep. Tomorrow I've got a day at Church and with friends and family! I'm blessed with a semi-normal.... scratch that a very weird family (love them haha) that supports me and that cares enough to give me the best education I can get - spiritual and mental. I could go on and on but this isn't (or shouldn't be XD) about me.

I chose the picture today because many of our disappointments come from anticipation. We anticipate something fun and when it doesn't happen we get upset. We anticipate a good grade on a test and when we don't get it, there are consequences. We anticipate people to act one way, and when we don't, we're disappointed. Like the picture, anticipation flouted makes disappointment so much worse. Why? It goes back to, you guessed it...

Hope.

We build up HOPE that something will happen. And what did we say about loss of hope? It is the best and easiest way to crush a person. Putting our hope in the right place can save us from many troubles. Anticipation isn't a bad thing, in fact many times it is the fun. Think of anticipating Christmas as a kid. The anticipation of all those presents just for you under the tree up until Christmas was always the best part. The day itself would come and go in a flash, and the toys would be fun for a few days, but fade into obscurity. But each year the ANTICIPATION of the glorious childhood day was enough to dance through endless dreams and create days of explosive joy as only the mere idea of Christmas can create in the hearts of children. Anticipation happens on journeys. When you travel you anticipate getting to your destination. When you climb a mountain you anticipate getting to the top. When you have a kid you anticipate the night you'll finally be able to get a full, uninterrupted night's rest again. Anticipation is the journey. Often when we travel we meet interesting people and see amazing things, and the destination becomes minimal next to that. A mountain climb might take days, and once you get to the top you have an amazing view, but the exhilaration of getting on top lasts only for a short while, and before you know it you have to climb back down. Still, all that work you did to get there and the journey you took is forever in your memory. While babies are tons of work and can be annoying, as kids grow up you miss the days they'd come to you and say they can't sleep because they had a nightmare. 

In all of those cases anticipation is the journey, and the journey is all the fun. Which is why I say still anticipate things, but be ready to deal with disappointment.

A little bit more on this before I conclude. Disappointment leaves no man untouched. Everyone suffers it at one time or another. But again it is up to us to chose how we deal with it. Me? haha Well I didn't take it the best at first but I'm learning, and tonight I'm going to have fun anyways. I got to spend more time with ya'll for one thing! You? Well that's up to you. 

Don't let disappointment cripple you. Get up and move on. It's not the end of the world... unless it is! haha if that's the case then God be with you! Get it?... you know... cause God.... end of the world.... fire and.... oh never mind! See, take things with a grain of salt! Handle disappointments with humor and move on! Whatever it is it's probably not a big deal anyway.

God has plans for us. Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

God's plans are not our own, and many times we don't understand the challenges He puts into our lives, or why they are there. Sometimes we won't until we see Him in person to ask Him. But He will never lead us astray. Mother Angelica was talking about this the other day on the radio. She said, and I'm paraphrasing here "You know that picnic you really wanted to go to, but it got rained out? You were really disappointed about that. You might even let it ruin your day. But later you look on the news and there was a massive 35 car accident on the route you would've taken, right at the time you would've been driving. God protected you from that. Well, then it turned out to be a pretty good day." VERY much paraphrased, but you get the gist. God takes pains and turns them into blessings. I don't know why He let my friend let me down, but I know that it's for the best. I don't know why He's letting you go through the pain you feel, and maybe even try to hide, right now, but I can promise you that it's for a reason. A good one too. So hang in there, hang on, and let go. Do not hold on to disappointments or give in to the all too tempting sadness and despair they bring with them, but let them go and let God in. Disappointments only have the power to hurt you if you let them. So don't!
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Why the title?
Well, you should know by now I try to include a song! Today's comes from Phineas and Ferb "Watchin' and Waitin' ". I felt it was appropriate for today.

 We're watchin' and we're waitin',
On the edge of our seats, anticipatin'.
It's looking awful permanent,
But we know it could go away.

 Fits doesn't it? Enjoy the anticipation and don't let disappointments down, that's tonight's message!

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

God uses all things for good :)

Stay strong, keep you head held high, and I'll see you soon!
Oh and I'm praying for you, can't forget that!

~Wanted~

Bear With Me

Felt like a random kind of day! haha

I'm baaaaaaack! Sorry I've been gone so long! Finals were last week, and a bunch of stuff has been going on since then. I'm super tired tonight, and don't have a direct topic, but I felt like I needed to update since I haven't in a while, so bear with me. ... Get it? Cuz there's a bear! ^ haha. I'm starting to get the hang of this whole blogging thing, though honestly I'm still torn about publicizing it. It feels a little embarrassing to self promote. Anyways... As I'm getting the hang of it I'm starting to see where I'm taking this blog in general. I'll let you try to figure that out on your own ;). All will become clear in time. Unless it doesn't. Which it might not. In which case you'll never know! haha. See? Babbling.

Anyways, there's nothing really that I'm passionate about writing tonight because I'm sooo tired. I'm not really sure why. But yet I trudge on, because I don't want to let all of you down. I guess I could do a short tidbit on that tonight. I'm not sure when I'll have time to write again because this weekend is going to be really busy, and I work now, so strap yourselves in and enjoy my ramblings.

Alright, here it goes, I'll try to keep it short and sweet. I'm really just here to let you know I haven't left! 

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Prudence

Now I'm not necessarily talking about the virtue, though that is essentially the same thing. Regardless of faith though, prudence is an important thing. It is, simply put, using common sense, and knowing when to speak and when to hold your tongue. This is an important life skill that can either simplify your life, or if you don't have it, make it infinitely more complicated. Friends of mine will know I learned the value of prudence my freshman year. I was very vocal about my political beliefs, and it got me in some trouble with a teacher, and other students. I felt like I needed to make my views clearly outlined and defend every attack on them explicitly. 

Not a smart move.

What resulted was a yearlong battle with students and teachers that ended up working out fine, but had many bumps in the road along the way. I'm glad I learned my lesson when I did though. Sometimes in life now I encounter views that I feel are blatantly wrong, and have things said to me that are just false. I'm able to hold my tongue with much effort now. See the thing is, we don't have to fight every battle that comes knocking on our door. Back to that HUMILITY thing. Remember? Sucking up our pride can save us sooo much trouble! Sure I might feel people are wrong, but if unnecessary conflict can be avoided, it should be.

That is not to say, however, that you should always hold your tongue. Like I said, Prudence is knowing when to speak. And sometimes you HAVE to speak out. Not just because of your personal beliefs, but because it's the truth. See, when I was defending my political views, that wasn't really a battle that had to be fought. I mean it was important to me, but political ideology differs widely from person to person, and everyone has a right to be that way. Moral issues are another thing entirely. Again, there are still many situations in which one should hold his tongue even in this topic, but I'll give a very extreme example to illustrate my point.

A girl you know is planning on having an abortion. You are Catholic (as is she), and you hold to the Church's teachings, so you believe that this is a grave evil. You are close enough to this girl that it is appropriate for you approach the subject with her. Then the only prudent course of action is to pray for her, and approach her about the grave immoral act she is about to commit. In this case, the prudent act is to talk to her. 

A less extreme case: it is prudent to speak up when you can AVOID conflict by talking. If speaking up clears things up for everyone, it is the best course to take.

Knowing when to say something or when not to is what prudence is all about (at least to me, though it is more than that in reality... another topic for another time). And it takes practice. And MANY mistakes haha. Believe me, I know. It also helps to pray for it. If you aren't a person of prayer, I encourage you to give it a try. But if you are, prayer can help enhance you in ways that will surprise you. 

Prudence takes a lot of time, effort, and patience to really develop. Keep at it and don't give up! 

So in closing, why Bear With Me?

2 reasons:

1: It's random, and I wanted ya'll to know I'm still here

2: Because prudence requires us to bear with others, even those we don't agree with, for the good of everyone.

So hold you tongue and bear with me! Haha. I'm not very good at prudence yet, but I'm  praying for it, and for you all too!

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"But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." Matthew 5:39

I feel like this verse really sums up what I was rambling about tonight. If any of it doesn't make sense, forgive me, I'm falling asleep as I write this. I just really felt it was important to give you guys something to tide you over until next week.

Hope it was meaningful, praying for you all, and see you next week!

~Wanted~

Missing You

True! :p

Hello everyone! Sorry for taking a break! Wait... no I'm not! ha ha. But really I needed it, I can't pump out posts of this length every single night and still keep good, relevant material. I know short but sweet works, and I may have to switch to that soon, but in the meantime, you might just have to wait a few days in between posts!

So much has happened this past week. School's over! Well... except for finals. Oh that evil word. Finals. Sends shivers down your spine, doesn't it? Anyways... Then there was the Risk tournament! Got stabbed in the back by both my allies, of course! It was really fun though. And then there were low moments. Fights with friends, mistakes made, things said that were regretted. Not necessarily by me, but I was certainly there for it all.

As we get older, life gets more complicated, ya know? I mean, in 2nd and 3rd grade, I had no idea what an exam was. Now they are something I deal with regularly. Money? A hundred dollars makes you rich right? Well not anymore. Reality sets in. As we grow older, things change, for better or worse.

Guessed what today's topic is yet?....

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Growing Up

I think it's something that really needs to be discussed. It might not be something people my age want to hear though. The comic at the top is a clue. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm trying to start each post off with something that's at least vaguely relevant to the topic (unless it's a philosoraptor! XD). I think that in today's society people are pushed to grow up at a younger and younger age. Now I don't mean grow up like getting a job, learning to support a family, etc. All of those things we seem to be doing at older and older ages as time goes on. No, what I'm talking about are issues. Drugs, Alcohol, Fights, Sex, etc. All of it permeates our culture today and it seems to be hitting kids younger and younger. More and more often I hear about girls getting pregnant in the 6th grade. That's unacceptable. I'm not gonna go into abortion and life issues, that's another topic for another day (though she should keep the baby). But it shouldn't be happening in the first place. Some old friends of mine have fallen into things that are ruling their lives. They can't wait to go home from school and get back to drinking or shooting up or what have you. Some don't even wait that long. I know of people who had pregnancy scares. This shouldn't be happening. At this age we should be enjoying life. But really enjoying it. Hanging out. Going to movies. Talking. Who just talks anymore?

It all stems down to one thing: lack of innocence.

A friend was reading a paper he read out loud to my class the other day about reflections on this past school year. He said the thing he noticed the most, and was most saddened by was the loss of innocence. Everyone in our class, (myself included) he said, had lost some of their innocence in one way or another. This is one of the saddest things of all. Innocence is like time: once it's lost, you can never really get it back. You can start over, but you can't ever get back what you've lost. We live in a society where people are loosing their innocence earlier and earlier. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but hearing an eight year old drop the "f-bomb" regularly and then seeing him getting high-fived for it seems so wrong. It seems like society in general is progressing towards losing innocence at younger and younger ages.

What happened to innocence? Why is it that now younger and younger kids are being exposed to things that inevitably cause them to "grow up" faster than ever before? I could give specific examples, but there are things I've promised not to talk about. It seems to me that instead of looking into the causes of loss of innocence, society feeds into it. Take teen pregnancy for instance. Sure it has happened throughout all of history, but only within the past few decades with the rise of the free love movement and other things has it gotten worse. Instead of trying to push this back by teaching values or other options, society decided to start teaching about sex and contraceptives etc. younger and younger, in some places as young as kindergartners. Should a 5 year old really know about that? NO.

I know that's a little off topic, but just an example. I think what's really going on is that we have backwards definitions about what it means to grow up. Sure growing up means making mistakes and becoming who you are, but that doesn't mean that we have to do really stupid things. Entire generations before us grew up and turned out just fine without the things that we do at our age now. Why do people believe that you HAVE to do stupid things at parties or get drunk or get high etc. as part of a normal experience? Because it's a lie.

Lies like that are easily believed. Peer pressure ring a bell? Cmon, every one's doing it! These are the times our friends have the chance to destroy us the most, when we believe these lies. You'll never be caught! Just don't tell your parents! It's fun! Everyone has a first time! Cmon loosen up! It's perfectly normal! That last one is quite possibly the worst of all. Just because something is common doesn't mean that it's right. It's perfectly normal for people to cheat on things in high school, whether it be homework, tests, quizzes, what have you. That doesn't make it right.

And see that's the mentality that's been bread into this generation: if it's normal it must be OK. Sex is on TV all the time, does that mean we should be doing it in high school? No! It is THE most beautiful thing on this planet. Yes, I use the world beautiful. If used correctly, human sexuality is the greatest gift we can ever give another person, the greatest love we can ever feel, and the greatest joy we can experience here on earth. It is the culmination of a human person, if done in the right way. Sex now completely degrades all of that. It makes both people less like people and more like objects for the other to use. I know I'm once again getting off topic, but there's so much to cover here. Drug use is becoming more and more common. Still not OK. It purports to give its users escape, but hands them their own shackles. It enslaves them. Drug addicts, even those who become sober, have to deal with the consequences of their addiction for the rest of their lives. But is that made known? Nope. Same thing with drunks. While some alcohol now and then is perfectly fine - studies have shown some drinks like wine can even be healthy for you in small amounts! - getting drunk all the time is not. It acts just like any other drug and enslaves its users. Even those who escape can't even have a sip later in life because the temptation to go too far is too great.

All of these things that society purports to be a normal part of the teenage experience, of the growing experience destroy lives. Sometimes it leads to people getting kicked out of school, or sent to jail. Others it ends in the destruction of relationships. Still other times no consequences are apparent except later in life when disease caused by abuse of drugs and alcohol show up. And yes, some even get away with no consequences whatsoever. There are exceptions to any rule. But the rules should not be based on the exceptions. The fact of the matter is that most people who get into this stuff have terrible results.

Now for the real point: Why is it then that those of us who just want to skip that become ostracized? I mean it's not too terrible for me, but I know many people who have lost friends because they decided not to go with the crowd. The truth is that everyone has to find their own path growing up. But one doesn't have to make THOSE mistakes to grow up. One can have morals and stick to them and grow up. In fact, the one who has that IS the most grown up. If a person can find his beliefs and have the courage and strength to stick to them, even in trials, he is grown up.

As you all know, I am a person of faith. It's fine if you're not and I'm not trying to convert you, again I'm just using this as another example. A wise man once told me that you aren't an adult in your faith until you begin to question it. That makes sense, if you think about it. When you're a little kid you blindly believe everything you're told, but as you grow older you begin to realize that many of the things you were told as a little kid can't be taken just on face value, and that adults are human, and make mistakes. If you continue to blindly believe in everything, then you really aren't grown up yet. When you begin to question what you've been told, begin to make your own decisions, begin to make your own choices, that's when you begin to grow up. When you can take the facts you've been presented with and make up your own mind, not your parents or your friends or anyone else's but yours, that's when you've grown. I get mocked at school a lot for actually being a Catholic. Many people think I carry on with these beliefs because of my upbringing, because of my parents, because of fear, because of so many things. But that's not the truth. I've questioned so many things in life in my journey that's called faith. You've seen some of them in this blog already. Why does God let bad things happen? Why is sex outside of marriage such a bad thing? Everyone else doesn't seem to think so. Why does God send people to Hell? Why does He let people die? Why does He let me feel pain? Why did He let my friends get so lost? Is He even there at all? I've had tons of doubts and made up MY OWN mind that I do believe in the Catholic Church.

Don't believe me? That's OK. I don't care. I don't need to. That's the point about growing up. I am who I am and I don't care what other people think because I know that by being me, I'll attract the right kind of people. And THAT is what growing up is about. It's NOT about going with the crowd or doing what people think is cool. It's about finding yourself. Finding who you are. Finding your beliefs. Testing the waters. Having some doubts. NOT doing what everyone else is, but forging your own path. NOT listening to the media and society, but making our own choices. Be an individual, not just another face in the crowd. I can say that most people at my school know who I am. Is that good or bad? I don't know, but I do know that I am who I am. And that's all I need.

I know I'm grown up because I can make my own decisions. Yeah, sometimes it does cost me friendships, cause me pain, make life harder. But sticking to who I am is part of growing up too. I'm not always good at it, and I'm not even always sure who I am, but I'm figuring that all out on the way. The point is though that I'm becoming me and growing up without having to make mistakes that could destroy my life and take away the chance for me to live my life to the fullest and be who I want to be.

For those of you who are struggling with this, take hope. The story has a happy ending. Yeah, I might take stuff at school, but I've found a whole group of friends who love and support me and I hang out with all the time. I'm happy. My faith is growing and hope is welling in my life like a spring. Sure I still make stupid mistakes, but that too is all part of growing up. The difference is when you fall you've got to get up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward instead of staying down in the dirt. Don't get caught up in the crowd, because ultimately the crowd is going to lead you down paths you don't want to go. And it doesn't look like it right now, but later in life the people in the crowd will look back on their lives and realize that they should have been like you; that you were right back then. By making your own choices now you can save yourself so much trouble and pain that life would hand you otherwise. Make your own decisions. Grow up without losing your innocence. Yeah, that is possible.

Well this one has been pretty long! I'm almost done! Don't worry! ;)

I'll finish up with a tangent and a song.

An excerpt from the song "Headphones" by Jars of Clay goes like this:

 I don’t have to hear it, if I don’t want to
I can drown this out, pull the curtains down on you
It’s a heavy world, it’s too much for me to care
If I close my eyes, it’s not there

With my headphones on, with my headphones on
With my headphones on, with my headphones on

They tell a sad story of today's world. So many times today we simply ignore the problems of today's world. We ignore others' pain and sufferings. We decide not to get involved. Imagine what would happen if every one of us tried to stop our friends from making mistakes that could change their lives forever. Imagine if we fought for those we loved and helped them grow up the right way. Imagine the pain we could stop. It's true that they've got to make their own decisions, and if you try and they still want to mess up, that's on them, but if we just tried a little more to be examples in our own lives, only God knows what impact we could have! That's my challenge for you for the next few weeks:

Live life as you. Help others avoid mistakes that could hurt them more than they know. Be the best you you are. And keep growing up without losing your innocence.

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Today's Bible Quote:

Jeremiah 1:17-19

"But do you gird your loins; stand up and tell them all that I command you. Be not crushed on their account, as though i would leave you crushed before them; For it is I this day who have made you a fortified city, a pillar of iron, a wall of brass, against the whole land: Against Judah's kinds and princes, against its priests and people. They will fight against you, but not prevail over you for I am with you to deliver you says the Lord."

Point: Be who you are. Stand up for your beliefs. Grow up. God'll be there. He won't leave you hanging or alone. Become who you are meant to be, and good things will happen. Grow up without fear and be who you are without making mistakes you'll regret.

So in parting, why did I call it missing you? Well if you are Starkid you know that it's a reference to AVPM ( A Very Potter Musical). But really it comes down to missing friends. There are friends that I had as a kid that I don't have anymore. Sure those people are still in my life, but they've changed, and not for the better. So I'm missing them. They aren't who they are anymore and they're lost. Hopefully I can find them again. Or rather they can find themselves. All I can do at this point is pray. If any of you have people like that in your lives, reach out to them. It's never to late to change a life.

No more missing. No more going with the crowd. Grow Up!

Until next time,

~Wanted~

Almost Flightless Birds

Haha I LOVE this! XD

Today on my way home from school I was listening to a comedy station on Pandora radio. One of the comedians that came on was the guy from cash cab. One of his jokes was about the distractions of google, and how he went from booking a flight to Cleveland to becoming an accidental ornithologist. One of his jokes in this routine was about bird classifications. Apparently there is a classification of birds called Almost Flightless Birds. That's really funny in and of itself. What does that even mean? "We're almost flightless, but not quite!" I found it really funny, haha. But he went on to talk about flightless birds, and the most pitiful of all, if it were to actually exist, Almost Flightful Birds. He said it's like the same as flightless birds, but with false hope.

The routine itself was really funny, but it got me thinking. Yesterday we discussed hope, and how important it is. False hope is arguably one of the greatest evils inflicted on mankind today. It raises people's spirits with promises that only end up crushing their souls. Like the birds that never fly, these people waste their time in the false hope that something is going to happen when the person giving it to them knows it never will. False hope is the deadliest weapon mankind has at its disposal. If you really think about it, in some ways it's more powerful than an atomic bomb. Sure a bomb can kill people, but false hope can crush their souls. What's worse for a person, being dead with your beliefs intact, or being alive with your soul crushed by the shattering of your hope? It's the second one, in case you were wondering. Taking away the hope of a people crushes them.

To again reference my favorite book series, in Pendragon: The Quillian Games the main character gives people hope that they can escape the oppression of the supercompany that rules the entire planet. He raises their spirits and a rebellion seems imminent. Then, without revealing the plot too much, the spark of hope in the rebellion is crushed, and the main character accidentally caused it to happen. In doing so, the hopes of the people were crushed too. They sunk lower into oppression than ever before, no longer wishing to fight the powers that be. The point? If you really want to destroy someone, destroy their hope.

Now I'm not advocating for false hope, it just seemed apt to discuss at the moment, as I think that hope will be the theme fore this week.

False hope is just the jumping point for the real topic
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 Nearly Flightful Birds

XD Just kidding!

The real topic for today is....

Well I'm not really sure, sort of a summary I guess.
The title is a clue though.

I feel like we are Almost Flightless Birds. Like on our own we are just barely hovering above the ground. We know that we are barely surviving, but still we try to do it on our own because we are proud. We hide things from each other. We hide things from people who want to help us. People who should be able to help us. Why? Well maybe part of it is out of fear. Fear of disappointing those we love. Fear of losing yourself. Fear of falling out of the sky because you have to trust someone else to hold you up. Another part is pride. "Well I can fly just fine by myself!" Can you really? Because it seems like you're just barely staying up off the ground. I think all of us fall into the trap sometimes of thinking that going to others for help is a sign of weakness.

It's really a sign of courage and inner strength.

Do you know how much guts it takes to admit that you're wrong? To admit that you can't do it alone? That takes true courage, true strength. And with the help of others, a nearly flightless bird becomes a soaring eagle, a peregrine falcon zooming up and diving down in the vast skies of hope, truth, and life. On a side note, peregrine falcons are like the coolest bird ever.... My Side of the Mountain was one of my favorite books as a little kid, and Frightful is awesome!

Where was I? Oh ya, inner strength. I think that this is one of the most underestimate qualities of the human person. It is one of the most essential, for sure. I think that many have thrust it aside as something girly, or only for those of a certain type, but inner strenght and courage is really the key to achieveing anything. In order to really believe in anything and stand up for your beliefs, you have to have the inner strenght and courage to fight for them.

Another thing we all have to be is there for each other. It's all well and grand that we can turn to others for help when we need it, but that becomes mooching and really just being a terrible person if we are never their for others. Imagine that you are in the middle of the ocean. Your boat has sank and you are just floating there in a life jacket. Suddenly someone comes along in a boat nearby, and helps you out of the water because they heard you crying for help. What if they didn't? What if instead they heard you but kept on going? In a body of water that large, odds are you would have died. Instead, they listened to your cry for help and came to the rescue. Now I know that's an extreme example, but that illustrates my point well. We have to be there fore one another. Otherwise we're just a bunch of almost flightless birds floundering on our own.

Well it's late and I'm tired, so I think I'll call it a day there. Who knows, maybe I'll end up writing this thing daily!

Oh but wait! I haven't included a verse for today! Well there are a great multitude that fit today's situation. I think that for tonight Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 seems to fit best:
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

Basically it says that there is strenght in numbers, and while we might be able to do things ok on our own, united together we can achieve more that ever possible before.
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I know it was shorter than those in the past, but I'll try and keep a somewhat consistent lenght. I'm still new at this and getting the hang of it, so bear with me :).

So in summary for today: We are all Almost Flightless Birds. Alone we can get some things done, together we can accomplish most anything. While some personal pride is a good thing, too much is not. Humility is the key to survival. In fact humility is a sign of the strong. Asking for help when you need it is not a sign of weakness, but actually a sign of strength and maturity. And we have to help others too. We can't simply let ourselves be helped while we ignore our brothers who might be floundering right next to us. Lastly, community helps us survive. Though I didn't touch on this in the body of the post, and I'll have to do a whole 'nother post on it, you need to find yourself a good community of people. Surrounding yourself with people who really care for you and want what's best for you will make you the happiest you can be in life, and take you the farthest. Find a community that suits you and makes you a better person, and stick with it.

Well that's all for today. Keep flying high, and with help from each other we can all become the peregrine falcons we were meant to be... Did that just sound as corny as it did when I was thinking it? Yeah, probably. Well it's the best you're gonna get, I'm tired. Yeah it's stupid, but you get what I'm trying to say. Insight storage tanks draining quickly... Haha sorry about that.

Tangent aside, really, keep at it. Trust in God and in those who care for you. Find your Hope and never, ever let go. Know that you are never alone. And don't be afraid to seek help when you need it.

Until next time!

~Wanted~

What Keeps Us Going

At the dawn of each new day God's mercy is renewed.

AP exams are over! I'm so happy! They were way easier than I thought they would be, so I'm kind of upset I spent so much time worrying about them. St. Padre Pio said that "Worry is useless". Haha I should have listened to him. Sorry I didn't update the rest of the week! I've been kind of sick, and just exhausted from sleep deprivation during exam weeks and preparation. Only 2 weeks left of school then summer! Summer this year is going to be sooo busy. Internships, tutoring, Driver's ed (FINALLY!), multiple retreats, college visits, and tons of other stuff. And of course friends. I've got hope that it'll be a good one though! Actually, that's the perfect lead in for today's topic:

HOPE

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Today's topic I felt should be hope. There is such a lack of hope in the world today. From society. From the media. From ourselves. The world feels today like a cold, stark, barren place where it would be better to give up than to keep trying. At least it seems that way to me at times. This isn't reality. The reality is that hope is everywhere, if we just look for it. The dawn of each new day brings the hope of what's to come. A clean slate. A chance to start over. Each day we are presented a chance, an opportunity to be exactly who we want to be, who we were meant to be. We can begin anew with each day and the hope of tomorrow should be enough to keep people moving forward. A lot of times it's not though. And it's sad that so many people, myself included at times, can ignore the wealth of hope that surrounds each and everyone one of us each day. Like the picture above shows, hope begins anew each day. With that, We'll begin.

One of my favorite books of all time, Pendragon: The Merchant of Death has this passage in it that's stuck with me for a long time: "I remember going on  a hike with my dad once through a forest that had been recently destroyed by fire. We were surrounded by nothing but the burned and black remains of what had once been a wonderful, green thicket. It was sad, until I saw that growing out from beneath a fallen log was a single, green fern leaf. As horrible as the devastation was, this on leaf was proof that one day the forest would return to normal."

To me, that's the perfect picture of hope. That no matter how much the devastation, or how grave things look, something better is coming. Something new. Hope is the belief that things can be better. That you can be a better person. That a life can improve. That the economy can get better. That there's something more to life than this. That death isn't the end. That a forest can grow back from a single tree.

So why hope, why now? Well to be honest it's because hope is quite possibly the hardest and easiest thing for a person to possess. It is the most fragile of all things in existence. It has the power to raise people up or to destroy them entirely, depending on how it is used. It's the easiest thing in the world to get because all it takes is a single sentence, a single word to spark it. A kind gesture. A love note. The promise of a vacation. The beginnings of a new friendship. The list goes on and on. However while hope is so easy to be had, it is the hardest thing in existence to keep. The moment hope is threatened, many times it disappears entirely. A broken heart. A broken promise. A broken dream. Hope can leave you broken if it's used wrong. That's why it's so powerful.

Recently my hope has been tested time and time again. A good friend of mine... well he made a huge mistake that could have cost him his life. He lost his hope. Though honestly I don't think he had any in the first place. Why did God let that happen? I mean don't get me wrong, I'm glad he survived, but why did it have to happen in the first place? One of my best friend's moms died in February. Of all the people in the world, she deserved that least of anyone. She is a saint. Her mother was too. Why did God let that happen? Multiple friends have fallen to drugs and alcohol. Multiple friends have simply disappeared from my life. I've made many mistakes myself.

WHY?

WHY US? WHY NOW? WHY?!?!?!?!!?!??!

That's the question I've been asking. And yet in all this time I've never lost hope. Yes my friend could have died, but he didn't. Yes my friend lost her mom, but she's still here, and that's a blessing in and of itself because I don't know what I'd do without her. Yes people have made mistakes. Yes I have too. But I've learned a hugely important lesson over these past few months.

We are not our past.

A popular Tenth Avenue North song says this very eloquently:

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

There was a time in my life when I almost lost my hope entirely. I didn't believe in love. I didn't believe I was lovable or anyone outside of my family could love me. My hope was gone. All it took was a simple gesture of kindness to pull me out, a friend asking to sit next to me on the bus. Ok so there was a bit more to the story than that, but that's the important parts. But the past doesn't matter. I learned how I was wrong. I learned how I was selfish. I found my hope again.

That was a year ago. Now, with all the tests on my hope that have been, I really wanted to let go again. See, it's so much easier to let go of my hope than to keep fighting and hold onto what I believe in, especially when today's society tends to look down on my beliefs. Again all it took was some words from some friends. They told me that my hope gave them hope. That even though I keep falling down and making mistakes, the fact that I keep getting back up, and not giving up gives them hope.

Hope is not an easy thing to hold. You have to be strong. You have to stand firm. You can't care what others think about your beliefs, but stay strong in them. Your hope will be tested. But out of the fire will come something more beautiful than you could ever have imagined.

Last time we talked about faith deserts. Deserts are where your hope is tested. Keep your hope in the desert. On the other side is something of unimaginable greatness.

I know you're probably getting tired by now, haha so hold on for just a little bit longer.

My favorite verse in the Bible talks about hope, if you think about it.

"No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it."

1 Corinthians 10:13

It's about how we will be tried, but we will be taken care of if our hope is in Him. That's why He let these things happen to me. To you. To everyone. Faith is nothing without testing. Hope is nothing without testing. But like the trials I've faced recently, they all have an ending. The trials have a way out. My friend survived. My other friend is still happy. The druggies etc? While nothing might change now, I've just gotta keep being the example. So do you, at your school, at your work, wherever you are reading this. Be the example. While this might not have any immediate effect on anything, you'll plant the seeds to helping them change their lives.

So stay strong, keep hope.

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The message today:

Hope is hard to have. NEVER LOSE IT. NEVER LET GO. YOU ARE NEVER alone.

Praying for all of you, stay strong, and see ya next time!

~Wanted~

Get Ready 'Cause Here I come!

After AP Exams finish up, expect my first real post!
Inspired after I started a note on facebook (which for the sake of constancy I'll repost here!)
So Enjoy my inspiration, and get ready for more to come!

Excerpt from last week:
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(Random I know! haha)

Ever had one of those moments where God just beats you over the head with the message he needs you to hear? It becomes so apparent to you that you just want to tell Him : ALRIGHT I GET IT ALREADY!!!
That happened to me today.

Over the past week I've encountered events that have been hard to deal with. School, friends, family, what have you. Don't get me wrong, Nothing's wrong, I'm great and happy as ever. Just tired. And ready for school to be over haha. But that's not the point. The point is over this past week I've undergone a huge growth of faith thanks to these challenges.
How?

TRUST

That's the message that God is sending me like hogwarts sent owls to Harry (Yes I am that much of a nerd)
Trust that these problems will work themselves out. Trust that life will work itself out. Trust that mistakes can be undone. And trust that friends will turn to Him for help as well.

I noticed these things throughout the week, though only vaguely. Friday night I started to realize it even more. Some of you know I went to teen adoration on friday night, and I brought my journal with me. I was confused and wrote and wrote. And then i wrote this "Listen. Be still and listen. God will give you the words to say. Like the Gospel said today: Let not your heart be troubled. He will tell you what to do. Do not fear. Do not worry. He didn't say it'd be easy. He only said it'd be worth it."

So I sat and listened, and came to the conclusion that I needed to trust Him, on a lot of things. So I did.

Saturday came around and the Bible Study I went to had a reading from Exodus 16. It was all about how the Israelites had to trust God to provide for them in the desert. Desert has many connotations. Faith desert is one we hear often. It's when we have struggles in our faith, and it's harder to feel or see God in our lives than normal. But just like the Israelites in the desert, we too have to trust God in our deserts, and He'll pull is through and make us stronger than ever before. I saw my desert, and saw that God was telling me through that reading again that I just have to trust, and get others to trust, and it'll all be fine. So again God told me to trust.

By now I'd started to get the message. I'd been more trusting than ever. I knew and know that God'll take care of me if I just take the time to pay attention to Him. But He wasn't done yet. Nope. The kicker came today at Mass. I was lucky enough to get to go to Mass twice today. The first was for a wonderful mother-son luncheon with my mom this morning. Honestly I nearly fell asleep. Tonight I got to go again. I needed to, for many reasons. The biggest of which I didn't even know. Like I said, the message wasn't fully clear yet.

Tonight at Mass the priest talked about the people he serves. He talked about the poor and how they are always happy. I was kinda just sitting there thinking "This is nice, but I've heard it all before" and I thought i knew exactly what he would say next. In fact, haha, I was mouthing it to myself. Well God has a funny way of proving us wrong. The priest said the reason the poor are so happy all the time is because they TRUST in God to provide for them.

It hit me like a punching bag.

I was all set to stand up and say "OK I GET IT!" but thankfully i didn't.

THe whole Mass i thought was tailor-made for a friend of mine who needed to hear about the hope that God provides us. Then I realized that it was so much more than that. It was really for me. I may have gone to Mass for that reason, but I ended up there because God neeeded to emphasize to me that I trust Him more.

Now why did I tag YOU in this? Why do I share this? Sure it's a nice story, but it's nothing special.
You see there was more to the message. I knew in that moment that I had to share this message of trust. Why? That's for God to say. But I know that YOU, yes YOU there reading this. You may be shaking your head at me, laughing, or just thinking "Greg, you're crazy". I know I am, haha, but that's beside the point. He wanted YOU to know of His great undying love for you, and HE wants YOU (Yes just like those old uncle sam posters) to trust in Him more. Your life will become so much easier because of it, and He has great changes to make in your life if you simply let Him.

Sorry for babbling, and if this doesn't seem to fit you, then maybe I didn't hear it right. Otherwise, Thanks for listening. Not to me. I haven't been saying this. He has. Like I said in my journal

~Listen, be still and listen~

and most importantly

TRUST

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That's all for now, expect more by next weekend, and enjoy!