It's Really That Simple

Dear Reader, whoever you are:

       This morning was a whirlwind of activity. I got up early to go take my brother to school and pick up my car from the shop, then took my sister to swim practice. I accomplished more in three hours than I had all last week! haha. As we drove I listened to the radio and talked with my dad about all that was wrong with the world. Oh boy is there a lot. I mean it's so much that I was getting really discouraged. I got in my car after we picked it up and talked to God the whole way home about how really messed up things are. How could they ever be fixed?
       I know people who are really angry, all the time. They just can't seem to see the light, even when good things happen. It's easy to get that way today isn't it? Orlando, ISIS, economy, elections, even problems in your own home. How can anyone be happy, or anything be ok? How could anything be fixed? The people I know get fixated on the wrong. Fixated on how badly they've been hurt that they can't see any good. They want justice. They want revenge. They want everyone to be in the same depths as them, not necessarily out of spite, but because they think that they see reality and are doing others a favor. I was one of them for a while.

       Then God slapped me and said "Knock it off goofball. KISS - Keep It Simple, Stupid."

       Over the past few weeks I've been really thinking about this a lot, God's simplicity, and how He could possibly operate in all of this, and how it could be fixed. The more I do, the more I see the answer staring right in front of me:

       "Hello  World, Hope you're listening. Forgive me if I'm young for speaking out of turn...

I get lost in the beauty of everything I see, and the world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be.

If all the sons and all the daughters stop to take it in

the hopefully the hate subsides

and the love can begin."

- Come Home by One Repulic (selections, divisions added)

       Love. Love radically. That's it. That's all there is to it. Maybe you say I'm just young, naive, and unrealistic. Yeah, that's true. I am young and naive. I know I can't save the world. But one person loving radically can change all of that. One woman going into the slums brought hope to millions around the world. One man choosing to peacefully stand up for the Truth brought a revolution in how we treat others in America. How? They chose to love, and love radically. She just showed people that they were humans too, and deserved to be treated like it, no matter who they were. He didn't fight back, didn't yell or use foul language, didn't try to divide or polarize, but simply advocated for loving everyone as humans. That's it. And that's how we do it. Simply loving.

       I'm involved in a lot of ministry and often have people ask how to proceed, how do we change hearts, minds, make a difference? We don't. God does that. We are simply called to love. Gay or Straight, Black or White, Rich or Poor, Sick or Healthy, Religious or atheist, whatever other divisions don't matter. First and foremost they are human beings created in the image and likeness of God, and deserve to be treated as such. ** NOTE: I'm not at all saying that you change your beliefs. I'm VERY Catholic, and my friends know that. I don't budge on my church's teachings, and will defend them to the end. I'm simply saying that condemnation is not where we start,** We start by loving. 

       As I began writing this I found a story about a little girl who died recently, linked here. The little girl says "Love is a superpower. It makes bad people good." YOU GUYS! She was 5! WOW. When I read that I was speechless. Like this 5 year old girl had a better understanding of love than I do. Read Matthew 5:43-48. This is exactly what Jesus says to do,

       Imagine this world. Imagine a world where we entered into conversations with another human being as an image of the living God, and treated them like it. What could we learn about God from them? What a unique and beautiful gift is each and every individual. All of them. No matter how the same or how different. Imagine loving them because in spite of the bad you choose to focus on the fact that God thinks they are worthy of love. Image seeing the world with the eyes of God. Imagine how politics, wars, divisiveness and polarization of any kind would slowly disappear. Yes, they would always exist, but how we could start them shrinking today! I know in my life the times God has worked the greatest deeds through me were when I started with love. 

       I am naive and wide eyed enough to believe that I can change the world. I believe you can too. I believe God wants to, through all of us. What if we just started with love? It's really that simple! Simple doesn't mean easy, but it does mean beautiful.

Dear Reader, Whoever you are, believe me when I say that I love you. You are His, and you are incredible, and I value you. I challenge you reader, love others as well. Love wins. God wins.

Amen.

~ Wanted, Needed, Loved, His ~

Mary and Martha

Dear Readers,

I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. It's been over a year now. A lot has happened. I spent a year trying to do things my way, and God spent a year messing it up (in the best possible way, though it took some time and distance to see that). Over the past few weeks I've had ample time to think over the past year and just listen. I've spent a year being Martha, and it was finally time to be Mary. This is the story of me, Mary, and Martha. And so we go...

       After the last post I retreated deep within myself. God was there, pulling me out, and things went good for a time. Fall semester hit and I fell into a habit of studies, friends, work, and extracurriculars. I was doing lots of things FOR God, but not really listening much to what He had to say. And I was pouring way too much into friendships that I should have been bringing to Him. 

        Winter rolled by and He opened up some old wounds to try and bring us closer. It worked for a bit. I let down my walls. Released my death grip on my life and let Him work. ... And then life hit once again, and the walls came back up. I ran back to the friendships, the classes, the work. I found that the tighter I held, the more things came apart. I damaged friendships and relationships. I cared less about my classes. The things that I used to do for fun were now chores that had to be checked off. When people asked how I was doing I said "Fine." Granted my Grandmother passed away in there as well, but I didn't necessarily handle that the best. 

       Anyways by the end of the semester I was drained. I was battling angst against old wounds, broken friendships, misunderstandings with roommates, and so many other things I was ready to be done and go home. I talked to several friends about all of it, over and over again. But try as I might I couldn't turn to God. I had lost my heart and until I found it I couldn't bring myself to return.

       I was trying. I was trying so hard. I was fighting to do the right thing: in my struggles with sin; in my relationships, in friendships, with roommates, in school, etc. I was trying. I noticed that THAT was the phrase I told myself, friends, God, more than anything else. "I'm trying God. I'm trying," I would cry out at night. I've found that the phrase I tell myself most often tells me more about myself than I can see on the surface (more on that another time). But no matter how hard I tried, nothing changed. 

       So finally, when I got home from school, I gave up. Not in the "Screw God and them too" kind of way. I'd tried that before for a week or two and it just didn't work. More like total surrender. I was finally worn down enough to, without quite realizing it, let down my walls. "Here, take it," I seemed to say in my heart, not really knowing that's what I was doing. I started talking to Him again, not just listing problems but having conversations like we used to. And the more I let go of "trying", the more Me I felt. After a week retreat of sorts with some friends in the mountains of Arkansas, I realized I hadn't been trying for a while, and it felt so much better. 

       And that's when  I finally got it. I spent the past year trying. I was trying to be the perfect man. Trying to be the perfect student, perfect friend, perfect everything. But that's not what God was asking. I was trying to be what I THOUGHT God wanted me to be. I was trying so hard. And in all my trying my hands were closed. I was grasping at all I thought I needed to be, and left no room for God to be God. I didn't listen.

       God didn't want me to try. Not like that. He wanted me to listen. He wanted me to receive. A wise priest friend of mine once told me that we don't get to grasp at our identity. We become who we are meant to be when we are open enough to receive it from God. In all of my trying I had stopped listening. And once I listened I found peace.

       Dear Readers, I think far too often we are so focused on trying we miss the heart. I spent a year being Martha when He wanted me to be Mary. We take ourselves far too seriously. All of these worries, all of this bitterness, I let all of it cloud my heart and drag me down. That's not what He wanted. He wanted me to live simply in the joy of knowing Him. I missed out on so much because I couldn't let go of MY idea of who I was meant to be. I was trying. But I wasn't getting anywhere.

       “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

    I think we get so caught up in being Martha that we forget it was Mary that Jesus commended. Mary didn't DO anything. She sat and she received. Once I let go of my trying, I was open to being who I was always mean to be. Now when I find myself slipping up and saying "I'm trying" I stop myself. "Here I am Lord. I'm listening." 

       And you know what? In the silence I found Me again. Or rather He showed me who I always was. Stop trying to be who you think you need to be, and receive who you already are. Sit at His feet. He's waiting.

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I am so sorry I took a year off. It took me a while to learn the lessons God wanted me to learn. For better or worse, it's what happened. Now I'm ready to choose the better part. I might/will have to make that decision many more times in life, and that's ok. As long as I'm ready to listen.

I have a feeling this blog will look a little different from now on. And that's ok. I'll keep listening. I know who I am now. I am His. And so are you.

Love you all, and praying,

~Wanted, Needed, Loved, His~

Until We Meet Again

(https://facilitatingfulfillment.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/love-death.jpg?w=500&h=264&crop=1)

What I imagine Heaven must be like.

Howdy everyone! I know it's been a while. I haven't forgotten about my series. We still have 2 parts to go, don't worry. I'd say I'd write more often, but life is unpredictable, so who knows what might happen.

But something did happen this week - something that spurred me to write again. My grandfather passed away this past Friday. And while it hurts like nothing else, it has given me a lot of time to think, and a lot to write about.

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Grief, Death, and Dying

It's memorial day and I'm having a blast. I'm bowling with my family and one of my best friends, and suddenly something changes. My dad gets a message, and I know something has happened. We go home and have a nice night, but then my parents call a family meeting after our friend leaves. I knew it was nothing good because the only other time we've had them is when someone in the family gets REALLY sick. And this time it was my grandfather. First I reacted by thinking of logistics, etc. I let the rest of my family get emotional, but I stayed strong. They needed me. But I was really hurting.

I poured the fear of losing him, and the grief I felt into my tasks. I'd do the dishes, walk the dogs, etc. with such determined stiffness that I wouldn't have to think about it. But it came out in the middle of the night with nightmares and that biting edge of hurt. I knew I would never see him again. And instead of facing it and turning to God, I did nothing. I got others praying - over a hundred different people, priests, Masses offered for him,  confession, daily mass, etc. etc.. But I was just sort of going through the motions, I had gone numb. But then it was time to go back to school for the summer, so I didn't have to worry anymore. My dad got home from seeing him. Grandpa was looking better. I thought everything would be ok.

And then I woke up to a missed call and a text from my dad saying call me on Friday morning, and knew it could only be one thing. I went about my day like normal. It wasn't really real to me. It's still sinking in really. I went home to help my family go to the funeral while I stayed behind at school. And then I drove back home. Alone. My best friend was in another country so I couldn't talk to him. And I had a test to study for. But again I let all of that sit aside while I focused on work and school. Get up. Go to school. Go to work. Work out. Go to sleep. Repeat. But grief shouldn't be ignored or forced away. It is a wall of fire that has to be passed through in order to move forward.

This whole time I wasn't turning to God. It's not that I was mad at him or anything. I was just kind of numb to the whole thing. I hadn't really prayed since I got the news Grandpa was sick. It was like a wall was set up, of glass. I could see through, I just didn't have the motivation to find a way. And then today my priest gave me a really good piece of advice. (I hope he doesn't mind that I quote him!)

He said that grief is like dark matter. It's always out there. But when something tragic happens we open a hole in ourselves to let it in. Grieving is how we let it back out. There is no right way to grieve. Believing there is is probably the only wrong way to go about it. Just find a way that works for you to let it out.

I've realized a lot of things through this process, and I know I'm nowhere near done. The first is that God is my friend in all of this. He grieved too. The shortest verse in the bible is "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). He did it when he found out his best friend was dead. He cried and he hurt. I'm sure he did when Joseph died too. Jesus loved and Jesus lost just like one of us. So when we grieve we should turn to him. He's not going to take it away necessarily. If he grieved then we are going to have to as well. But he does understand. He can hold our hand and tell us it will all be ok. He can walk with us. He can listen to our cries and be a shoulder for our tears. I didn't run to God, but He wanted me to. And I am now. I didn't want to be weak, but it's not weak to cry. It's not weak to let myself be upset. It's a sign that I really cared and I really loved my grandfather. And Jesus is going to walk beside me with each and every painful step.

I was really upset that I would never get to say goodbye. But my dad is so profound. He always knows what to say to calm me down. He said to me that funerals are for the living. My grandfather was already gone, and I could talk to him whenever, and he was right. I might never see his body again in this life, but that's not what matters. I can talk to him whenever I want now. Our loved ones are never really gone. They're with us always, whenever we need them. Yes it's cheesy, but it's true. I know my grandfather's watching even as I write this. And that brings me great joy.

I was afraid to let myself grieve because I knew I should be happy. My grandfather is in heaven now. He's back with my grandma after ten years. And he's not in pain. And He's with God forever. So why should I be sad? We are sad when people die because every single death is a tragedy. Even God is sad at death. Death came with sin as Saint Paul tells us. We cry for what might have been. We cry because body and soul were never supposed to part. Death itself is always something to be sad about.
So in that sense I should grieve.

But then hope comes too.

Because while it was not supposed to happen, death is not the end; it doesn't win. Jesus came and died to defeat it. And now it has no power over us. Yes it can have the upper hand for a time, but in the end we will be reunited body and soul. My grandpa died, but he gets something so much better now. An eternity with our King. And then in the end, he'll get his body back, better than new.

So grieve, yes, but be joyful too. He is rejoicing in the banquet of the King. I once heard heaven described to me as a place where you smile at God and He smiles at you, and you never break eye contact again. You know your loved ones are there, you can sense them around you, but they are so present to you that you do not even need to look away to know they are there. You are in communion with them being loved by THE Lover. That's why I picked the picture above. "We just stay there, looking at each other, forever." What more could we want than to be eternally and perfectly loved?

So grief sucks, yes, but it is good. If you are grieving, let it happen, it's the only way it will get better. That wall of fire sucks, but then you are on the other side and better because of it. Let God walk with you through your grief. It is not weak to let Him in. It is not weak to be sad. It's love.

And then be at peace.
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Grandpa, I didn't know you as well as I wanted to. There are so many questions I never got to ask. There are so many things we never got to do. We don't have a lot of memories together that I can remember, but I cherish every single one. I love you very much. And I know you love me. I really really hate that you're gone. It hurts like nothing else. I wish I got to say goodbye. But you know what, I love you. I love you very much. And no one else knew it but every single night when my family prayed, I prayed for you too. Every single time I asked for God's blessing on my family, I prayed it for you too. And I know you love me too. I wish you weren't gone. I really really do. But God said it was time. And who am I to say otherwise? There are no words to describe my feelings of love towards you, but I know you know what I mean. Thank you. For everything.

Your Grandson,
Greg

Infinite Worth: Part 4: The Beloved

(http://afremov.com/image.php?type=P&id=19095)

A reflection of Beauty

Howdy! Hope ya'll are all doing well! Life is difficult, but God is good!

Guys I'm truly sorry it's been so long since last I wrote. There was a time when I was figuring things out, but a lot of it was just laziness, and that was unfair to all of you. But the past is the past, and I can't change that. So here I am, back in action! It's a new year, and we're going to kick it off with part 4 of our series.

So the first few parts have been about seeing others, and seeing God. Then we talked about who He was: The Lover.

And so we continue....
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The Beloved

Have you ever had an aching for something, deep down in your heart? An inexplicable ache which rises from the depth of your soul? An emptiness that, without being filled, makes one feel incomplete? It's the desire to be loved. And not just to be loved sometimes; not just for parts of you to be loved. It's the desire to be loved completely, fully, and totally, exactly as you are in this very moment. It is one of the basest needs of humanity, and yet one of the needs that we hardly ever talk about, and hardly ever see met.

Last time we talked about The Lover. The one who fulfills all needs, who loves us enough to die. But we already talked about this, so you know all that. But did you know that he has an ache too? 

God doesn't need us, but He created us anyways because He loves, and love creates. And in His goodness He made us. He made us as the height of His own creation, and in His image and likeness. Stop and think about that for a second. Not another thing in all of creation, from the birds to the galaxies was made like us, which is to say in His image. He shaped humans to be like Him. That alone gives us an insane amount of innate worth, regardless of how we feel! Why? Because God is the highest, and He chose to model us after Himself. We are reflections of the almighty. Honestly just writing that fills me with awe.

But that wasn't enough for Him. He didn't just make us and leave us be. He made us TO BE LOVED.  As a little kid in catechism class you are taught that people are here to know, love, and serve the Lord. But God wants to be there for us too! He wants to know us personally, love us personally, and help us to reach the fullness of happiness. What does that say about us that the God of the universe wants to get to know us personally? Not only us, but you. Yes you. The one reading this right now. He wants an individual, personal relationship with you. What does it say that the God of the universe, who can do anything and everything He wants at any time, wants to know about your personal life? He wants to know about your day, and the boy/girl that you like. He wants to know that you got really pissed off when you got cut off in traffic today and then you were late for class. He wants to know that you're really upset that you didn't get invited to the party. He wants to know what you think of your mom's new haircut. Etc. Etc. He wants to know you, the way your best friends would. He wants to be your best friend. 

Guys if that doesn't make it clear how infinitely important you are I don't know what will. The Lover chooses to spend time getting to know you. Not because He has to, but because He really, truly, loves you and wants a relationship with you. Beloved, your Lover is waiting for you.

God has an ache. He aches with love for you. Have you ever heard the song "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus? The opening line says "when I see your smile tears run down my face". That my friends is how much He loves you. He has tears of joy every time you smile. It makes him happy each time you joyfully laugh. He aches for you when your heart breaks, and longs for you when you turn away from Him. He is The Lover, and He's lovesick for you.

We are His Beloved. That, I think, is the simplest way of explaining why you matter. You matter because; God made you, and so you matter. You matter because He loves you. And His love for you is not dependent on your love for Him. Nothing any of us can say or do can ever make Him love us any less. That is why our worth can never change. No matter what mistakes we make, we are still worth more than the moon and the stars in His eyes because we are His beloved. We are made in His image and likeness and He loves us. That's why you matter. That's why you are important. Because there is someone who can fill that ache in your heart so that you never have to worry about it again. Because someone aches for you too. 

The Church, several times in the Bible and in other places, is referred to as Christ's bride. He literally laid down His love for us, as a husband and wife do for each other every day. This image perfectly capture exactly how we are loved, and exactly how Beloved we are.

Why are you of infinite worth? Because. I used to struggle with the answer, since it was so simple. But in the end, that is why I matter. It's why you matter. It's why anyone matters. Because. Because God says so. Then it doesn't matter how anyone puts you down, it doesn't matter what crud you go through in life. It doesn't matter what mistakes you make or vows you break. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you. It doesn't even depend on what YOU think of yourself. You matter because God says so.

Why are we all of infinite worth? Because we are loved by an infinite lover.

Who are you? You are His Beloved child. That's all that matters.

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Deuteronomy 4:24 says "For the LORD, your God, is a consuming fire, a jealous God." He is jealous for you. You are His beloved and you matter. Let Him show you that.  

Today's song is "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North. I really urge you to go listen to this song here. It really takes everything and puts it together.

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need 

And give me your life
The lust and the lies
And the past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me, yeah 

You're my beloved lover
I'm yours
And Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery 

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need 

I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh, come running home to me, yeah

You're my beloved lover
I'm yours
And Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me, yeah

You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life

You're my beloved lover
I'm yours
And Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery

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That's it for part 4. Almost done!

Until next time, I'll see you guys!

Praying for you all,

~Wanted~

Infinite Worth: Part 3: The Lover

(http://www.kirbasinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/agapelove1.jpg)

Agape 

Hello friends! I hope all is well with you! A lot has happened since I wrote the last post. I only just posted a few minutes ago, but it's been done for a while. God has a funny way of working. I had to wait a while to see where this series was going. But now He's given me at least a little bit of direction of where to take it next.

As a brief recap...

In Part 1 we discussed seeing people. We talked about what it was like to feel invisible, and some practical ways to truly see others.

In Part 2 we discussed seeing God. We talked about how we often miss Him, and how important it is to look up in our lives and just see Him in the everyday. When we do that we step closer to the truth of our existence.

Now that we've established those baselines of seeing others, and seeing God, we can start moving deeper.
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I wrote all of the above a month ago. I sat down to write this post many times, but never once did it feel right. Once again, God just was having me wait until it was the right time. A bunch of things have happened lately that have helped me to answer the question that I've been posing in this post. Who do I say that God is? How does that relate to our worth. Well I have at least a little bit of a clearer picture. Without further ado....
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Infinite Worth:

The Lover

One of my favorite Bible stories is the story of the Prodigal son. You all have heard it plenty of times. But recently I was given a new reflection on it, that changed the way that I viewed things. You see, prodigal does mean extravagant and over the top, and most of the time people think of it as referring to the son (which of course it is). But Prodigal also refers to the love of the father. If you really read the story it's quite remarkable. The son goes up to his father one day and says to him: "Dad, I want everything I would get when you die, and I want it now." Basically:"Dad, I wish you were dead already." Even though this is a major insult, the father grants the son's wishes, The son squanders his inheritance doing any bad thing you can think of. And then he goes and cleans up for the pigs. For a Jewish person, this would be the lowest of low jobs. You would be perpetually ritually unclean, and so no one would be able to associate with you. And so in his desperation the son returns home to the father. Now the father should have been completely cold. Not only was his son unclean, but his son was basically, by Jewish law, dead to him. But the father was waiting. He had no guarantee that the son would return. And yet each and every day the father sat out on the path waiting. When he finally saw the son, far off, so far that the son might not have even been able to see him yet, he broke into a run, and wrapped him in a full embrace. He placed sandals on his feet and rings on his fingers, indicating that he had been adopted fully back into the family. This was the father's love for him. It was extravagant and wild. It was prodigal. The other title that this story could have is "The Prodigal Father".

Brothers and sisters, THAT is who the father is. That is who God is. He is a prodigal lover. (See the double meaning?) He loves us when we act as the prodigal son did, going our own way. Guys, His love isn't dependent on our returning of it! He loves us because we are His, and nothing can change that! Just as the father continued to love the son when he left, so much more so does God love us, even when we sin! And he is prodigal like the father is. When we even make the slightest movement in our hearts back to Him, He runs to meet us with wide open arms. How blessed our we to have such a lover!

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life." I know that this verse is cliche and we've all heard it time and time again, but think about it! Remember Abraham and the love he had for his son? How much more did God love Jesus? And yet God gave Him up so that WE might have life. And not just we. You. He died not just for us the collective, but you, the individual. Jesus died for you. St. Paul tells us that the wages of sin are death, but since Jesus never sinned, He never even had to die. At all. Period.  Think about that! He didn't have to die at all, but He chose to do so in a painful and horrific way, just to show you how much He loves you. That's mindblowing if you think about it.

Someone told me recently that God is a romantic, and the Bible is the epic story of His romance with us. When read in that context, He becomes so much bigger and more beautiful in our understanding. God is a romantic lover. He does things that a romantic does. He laces the story with little pieces that speak just to your heart individually, if you but let it. He wants to romance us all, yes, but also each and every one of us individually. God made each and ever day for you. Just for you. Everything you see. Even this blog post. He didn't make it for anyone else, except for you. To paraphrase a friend: God is the perfect parent - We are all His favorite. Take time to enjoy the beauty. Get lost in it. It's all for you.

Love demands a response. This is why we so often miss God in our lives. We are afraid because we know when we see Him, when we let Him in, when we truly encounter Him and His love, we will have to change. And that can be uncomfortable. When Jesus meets the woman at the well, he goes to her, the outcast of the outcasts, and sees her. He talks to her and speaks to the depths of her heart His message of hope. She in turn hears it and spreads the message. She was open to His love, and in doing so she responded. Love is a perpetual outpouring of self. It is a paradox: the more we give, the more we are capable of giving. Let God in and let Him touch your heart. It's taken me a long time to do so, but now that I am finally letting Him have His foot in the door, I see my life changing. Parts of that are scary, and painful, and difficult. But they are so beautiful and I am so much happier as a result. But responding to Love is another topic for another time.

"God is love" is a cliche that we hear all the time. But it's so so true. My favorite title for God is The Lover. That, I think, is the core of who God is. The Trinity is a unity of persons in love. The love between the Father and the Son is so tangible that the Spirit springs forth as a result. The Bible is the story of His love. And each day is yet further proof of how much he loves you individually. God is love. Look around and meet your Lover.

In the song "How He Loves" by the David Crowder Band we sing "His Love's like a hurricane." Think about a hurricane. Is there anything soft and gentle in a hurricane? It's strong and it's blustery and it's completely and totally overpowering. When a hurricane comes, you either evacuate or ride it out, but there is nothing you can do to stop it coming. God is great, and His love is like a hurricane. There is nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you. You can choose to not accept it, but He will never stop.

His love is explosive. It's "like radiant diamonds, exploding inside us, we cannot contain." When you let it in and encounter His love truly, it will overpower you. It will well up and explode and it's like your heart simply cannot contain it! You want to shout it to the whole world! He loves you so much more than all the stars and planets and suns in the sky. He died with His arms outstretched, saying "I love you this much."

Who is God? He is the Lover. Let Him love you.
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The song tonight is "Multiplied" by Needtobreathe. It's simple, but it is to the point. Like I said earlier, His love is like radiant diamonds.

Your love is like radiant diamonds
Bursting inside us we cannot contain
Your love will surely come find us
Like blazing wild fires singing Your name

God of mercy sweet love of mine
I have surrendered to Your design
May this offering stretch across the skies
And these Halleluiahs be multiplied

Your love is like radiant diamonds
Bursting inside us we cannot contain
Your love will surely come find us
Like blazing wild fires singing Your name

God of mercy sweet love of mine
I have surrendered to Your design
May this offering stretch across the skies
And these Halleluiahs be multiplied

(Multiplied)
(Oh multiplied)

God of mercy sweet love of mine
I have surrendered to Your design
May this offering stretch across the skies
And these Halleluiahs be multiplied

These Halleluiahs be multiplied

(Your love is like radiant diamonds)
(Bursting inside us we cannot contain)
(Your love will surely come find us)
Like blazing wild fires singing Your name

Let God be a part of your life so that your hallelujahs may be multiplied as well!
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Romans 5:8 "But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us."

This is The Lover. Let Him love you.
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Beloved, Love.

Until next time,
Praying for you,

~Wanted~

Infinite Worth: Part 2: Come Out Wishing Star

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Not Even when I'm a hundred.

Howdy all! Thank you all so much for the overwhelmingly positive feedback! You have no idea how much it means to me to hear that I'm making a difference. You guys are wonderful, and you make all the effort I put into this worth it.

I was surprised, particularly, at how excited everyone was for this series. I knew that it would be important, but I didn't quite realize what an impact it was going to have. After all of the events that have happened in my life as of late it has become abundantly clear that this post series might be the most important thing I've worked on to date. I sincerely hope that it helps you all grow. You are the reason I do this. If my experiences can help even a single person grow closer to God, then every single second will have been worth it.

So anyways...

Last time we talked about seeing others, really, truly seeing them. We talked about how it feels not to be seen, and concrete ways to see others. We also discussed that it doesn't mean we aren't being seen even if we aren't acknowledged. Small pebbles can make large waves.

Tonight we are going to talk about seeing someone else we don't always see: God. So often we focus on all the little details that we miss the point. If God is the source of our worth, how will we ever see how much we matter if we don't see Him? With that we begin part 2...
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Infinite Worth:

Look Up

Growing up I always loved Winnie the Pooh. The Silly Old Bear had me going on adventure after adventure with him, and I loved it. I loved none more so than Winnie the Pooh's Most Grand Adventure. Christopher Robin goes missing so Pooh and the gang set out to look for them. As things are looking their bleakest Pooh Bear goes off by himself and sings a song (it's a Disney cartoon, of course it's a musical!). Watch it here. 

Pretty tough stuff for a kid's movie, huh? I've always loved this song, because I think that many times it describes my relationship with God. "I'm out here in the dark all alone and wide awake, come and find me. I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break, come and find me! I need you to come here and find me, cause without you I'm totally lost. I don't know what else to do, except to try and dream of you, wherever you are."

So often I feel like He's completely left me, or abandoned me entirely. I know in my heart that's not true, but sometimes it's hard to believe that, you know? I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes we think that maybe He isn't even there. Sometimes we get so down we doubt our core. Sometimes our impossible (see previous post) weighs us down so much that we forget to see the good in the world. Sometimes our hurts and sufferings blind us to all the beauty in the world. Sometimes we just get so caught up in our lives that we walk around with our head down and miss all of the gifts that God wants to give us. And sometimes we get thinking that we are so sinful that we don't deserve the love or even attention of a God so good. We doubt our very worth. And we miss Him.

"I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake, come and find me."

It's in times like the one above that I start to pray that line. I feel like I'm left in the dark, and I have no way to go. I want to see God. I want to see the good in life, in my situations, in even the bad, but I just can't. And that's ok. Sometimes we just can't. We are human, and we have limitations. But that's where God comes in. We live in a world made by a limitless God. He gives us the strength to do all things (Phillipians 4:13). That's why that desperate prayer is not only ok, it's great! God wants a relationship with us, and that means sincerity. Come and find me God, because I don't even have the strength to take one more step. I want to see you, but I just can't.

"I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break, come and find me."

It's funny that the time that most of the time people think about God it's when things are going bad. This often turns our image of God into a genie, but He's not a genie. He's not a vending-machine. He is a Lover who wants to Love you. Not looking for God  because we feel unworthy is exactly what the devil wants, not God! God, to prove how much He loved us, died. He subjected himself to the wages of sin so as to overcome it. Not because He had to, but because He loved us. This was over a thousand years before you or I were even a thought! So to say that we are unworthy to talk to Him because of sin is nothing short of rediculous! That's what confession is for! He has already forgiven us. It's just up to us to accept it. We aren't called to be empty and cold. Lord, heal my wounds. Come and find me.

"I've hung a wish on every star, it hasn't done much good so far. I don't know what else to do..."

Sometimes we miss who God is, or miss seeing Him because we get so caught up in the world. What tests do I have to do? When's my next shift at work? How long do I have to sleep? What else do I have to get done today? When's my next meeting? We keep moving, moving, moving, and never slow down to take a breath. Time and time again in the Bible we see that God speaks in the stillness and the silence. We miss Him completely if we never take time to see Him. He places Himself in our lives in small ways, just so we can see Him there. If we never look up, we'll never notice the breeze on our face, the beautiful clouds, the blooming of the flowers, or the kind smile of a stranger. He shows Himself in small ways like that each and every day.

Sometimes we hang our wishes and hopes on other things, like our majors, our work, our organizations, or our friends. But these things can falter; they can waver. Then when they do, our entire world is shattered. God is the only one who will never let us down. Wishes on a star might not come true, but God is always there. Lord, help me to trust more in you and your goodness. Come and find me.

"I need you to come here and find me, cause without you I'm totally lost.... wherever you are."

When we feel like we're lost, all we have to do is start to see Him. To see Him, all we have to do is ask. "Lord, come and find me. Help me to see you." And He will. Our Lord, the gentleman, is just waiting for you to ask.
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So if that song describes my relationship (and maybe yours) with God sometimes, and the obstacles we face, how do we see Him? The first step is realizing that we are missing something, and trying to right it. We talked about those obstacles above. Next, we've got to do what I said earlier: look up.

So often think that God is going to speak to them in actual words. Big and booming. Or actually out loud. For some people that happens. And to them I say congratulations that you are blessed with such beauty. Most of the time though, at least in my experience, God doesn't work like that. All we have to do to see Him is pay attention to what's going on around us. He's talking to us all the time. In the beauty of the sunrise He says "I love you." In the cool breeze on a hard day He says "I'm still with you." In the stillness and the silence He says "Here I am, talk to me." If you listen He even speaks to you through other people. You know, when someone says exactly what you needed to hear? Or when you have that crazy chance encounter with a stranger? He talks to us through the Bible, The Word of God. God is crazy talkative! All you have to do to see Him is look up. Look up from your problems, worries, cares, worldly things, and see the world around you. Watch, and listen.

And then Go to mass and See Him in the bread and wine made into His divine Body and Blood.

When we do these things we begin to see Him. Once we see God and hear Him talking to us in our lives He can begin to reveal to us just how much we mean to Him, and our true worth can be revealed.
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The song for tonight is "You Speak" by Audrey Assad.

You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos
From the chains of a lesser law You set me free
You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos
From the chains of a lesser law You set me free

In the silence of the heart You speak
In the silence of the heart You speak
and it is there that I will know You 
and You will know me
in the silence of the heart
You speak, You speak

You satisfy me till i am quiet and confident
in the work of the Spirit I cannot see.
You satisfy me till I am quiet and confident
in the work of the Spirit I cannot see.

In the silence of the heart You speak. 

If we look and listen, God is there, always speaking to us. If we but listen and look we encounter our Lover. He just wants to Love you. Look for Him.

The verses for tonight are 1 Kings 19:12-13:
"After the earthquake there was fire - but the LORD was not in the fire. After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound. / When he heard this, Elijah hid his face in his cloak and went and stood at the entrance of the cave..."

Look for the Lord. Just as sometimes we have a hard time seeing others, or feeling seen, so too do we often miss seeing God.
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That concludes part 2 of this series. Next time we'll talk about Who God is, and that will bring us into a discussion about who we are. I hope you'll stick around!

As always, I love you, and I'm praying for you!

~Wanted~

Impossible

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Sometimes life feels like this ^.

Howdy all! No, this post is not the next in the series. Hopefully that post will be coming. When? Absolutely no idea. But recently something has been weighing on my heart, and I just had to write about it today or I was going to burst. 

Ever get caught in a rut? Doing the same things over and over again? Ever just get tired of it all? Well hopefully this post will help a bit. Much of this post is based on a conversation I had with a friend, so keep in mind it's not all my words.

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The Impossible: Enter into the Mystery

Lately I've been struggling, and I know for a fact that it hasn't just been me. If anything, response from my last post proved that for me. The world is in great pain. It heaves and it sobs under the weight of burdens far too great for it to carry. Each and every one of us carries some weight. Something that "nobody should have to deal with". How often have we heard that one? Well, my question is, if nobody has to deal with it, then why do we find ourselves saying those things so often? Why do we so often find ourselves facing the same incomprehensible situations?

Ever been in a situation that seems impossible? Like there's something broken, but you don't know how to fix it? Like there's something wrong, but you can't quite put your finger on it? Like there's too much to do, and not enough time to do it? Like there might be no way to get through whatever it is? I was talking to my friend about this very issue, and they gave me a very strong argument.

First, they used logic. They looked at possible cases of this situation. "First, something's wrong and we know how to fix it" but we have no knowledge of what that problem is. "Secondly, it could be something's wrong, and we just don't know how to fix it. What then? There's not much we can do about that. It could be that we're not meant to fix it, it'll just be fixed over time or it'll be fixed by another." And last that "there could be nothing wrong at all. In which case, we also don't have anything at our disposal that can change what appears to us to be a problem."

My friend is very wise, and gave me a lot to think about. First off, that in all three cases, we just have to trust in God. As I've said before, this is a big deal for me. I like to be in control. I like plans, and schedules. Letting go is rather difficult. Yet for a solution to arrive in any case, trust in God and His plan must be established. Second, the conversation made me think about our perception of things: when we think something is wrong, is it really? Maybe the things we look at as problems are really blessings. Or maybe the things we look at as broken are really fixed, but we just don't see them that way yet. God's ways aren't ours, and sometimes we have to wait, and be patient, to see things the way they were meant to be; the way He made them. Third, it made me think again about trust in God. This trust though was the trust that He is always looking out for us. Just as He uses us to help others, sometimes we have to let Him use others to help us. That is just as much our job as serving others: allowing ourselves to be served. The apostles all had to let Jesus wash their feet, remember? Sometimes God wants us to back down and give others a chance to serve Him. We need to let God be God more often.

Then, as the conversation was ending, my friend told me this: "It reminds me of people alive when Jesus was on earth and witnessed miracles and still had doubts. We are expected to believe the impossible
but its the impossible that makes it possible I guess. It's what God does best, making anything possible." That was the most profound thing, far more than what was discussed above. My friend didn't know it, but I sat thinking about those few lines for quite a while. I think they touched on something very important.

We take the Gospels and the stories of the Bible for granted. We know that Jesus rose on the third day. We know that He performed lots of miracles. We know what He means when He talks about eating His flesh and drinking His blood. And it is this familiarity that allows us to yawn in Mass when these things are said (I do it all the time too...). But my friend's words made me think about the apostles, and how many impossible things there were stood up against. Think about it. You expect the Messiah to be a military leader, and instead you get a carpenter. You listen to preachings all day, and you just want to go home when your Messiah essential says "Get over here, I'm going to feed this massive group of people with this crazy tiny amount of food." I wouldn't be surprised if some of the apostles were like "Yeah, right. I think Jesus has been in the sun for a little too long today." Even after seeing Him turn water into wine, and do other miraculous things, it would be a stretch. And even after that, some of His remarks might just make them laugh out of the sheer absurdity. Could you imagine being told "Hey ya'll, I'm the chosen one the your Lord has promised you for thousands of years. I'm going to hand myself over, be tortured, get killed, but be it'll all be cool because I'll be back in three days." I could only imagine their reactions: "If He wasn't in the sun too long BEFORE, He definitely has been now.""Alright, maybe it's a metaphor?""I'm lost here, what's going on?" etc. It was a LOT to swallow. Even Peter was like "Jesus you're crazy!"We look at these reactions today and we laugh, but what would we have done in their places, honestly?

 And then there's the whole "You won't have eternal life unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood" thing. Today we understand that that's the Eucharist. But the apostles didn't have that 20/20 hindsight. They were hearing a teaching that sounded like Jesus telling them to become essentially vampires. And they knew Jesus was being serious because He ALWAYS tried to explain Himself further when He thought He was being misunderstood. This time He didn't. He let people walk away. And so the apostles knew that He meant what He said. They didn't understand it. It was an impossible teaching. It was seemingly against natural law, and yet they stayed. "Master, to whom shall we go?" they said. It was impossible. And maybe it made their hearts hurt, but they knew that somehow, someday, it would all make sense. He was their Lord and He would not let them down. Then how much more miraculous must Easter have been! How much more could those days when He appeared to them in His glorified body and explained things to them must those days have meant! "Ohhhh, it all makes sense now!" they'd say, and maybe even have a good laugh about it.

Today we don't have to trust in all of that because we know the whole story. My friend made me think that maybe, just maybe, when we encounter these impossible situations, God is allowing us in our modern day to enter into the eternal Mystery of who He is in a more complete way. He can't surprise us in the ways that He did the apostles. And so He does it through modern things. He asks us to accept impossible problems, situations, or tasks. He asks us to just trust Him when He says it will all be alright. In giving us these things He gives us an opportunity to be just like the first apostles: fully reliant on Him because of who He is. And trusting that when all is said and done it will all make sense. It couldn't have been easy for the apostles those 3 years. But they never left. No matter how bad things got, no matter how strange or hard to hear, they stuck it out and didn't give up. And their payout was greater than their wildest dreams. God wants us to have the same opportunity to trust Him as they did. And so He grants us these impossible things as gifts, opportunities to trust in His love, and share it with others.

Maybe these aren't the answers you're looking for. They might not even be the right ones at all. But they gave me something to think about, and they might for you as well. God never promised our lives would be easy. He just promised to walk with us. No matter where that path leads, He's there. The impossible might not be fixable. It might be your cross. It might be a path you have to always walk as long as you live. But He'll carry it with you. He'll walk with you. And in them He gives you the opportunity to trust and love Him in as deep a way as the first apostles did.

So walk with your head held high, even when that seems to much. Take just one more step, no matter how weak you're feeling. Because the impossible is really possible in the end. Like my friend said, "It's what God does best, making anything possible.
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Your verse for today is 1 Corinthians 10:13. Maybe your way out won't come until you are back with Him in heaven, but as He promised, He will always be with you.

The song for tonight is "You have me" by Gungor. Give it a listen. And repeat as necessary anytime you feel like things are too much. Your impossible might still be there. But He is too. Give yourself to Him. That's what He's there for. Your impossible is meant to draw you closer to His heart. So when things get the toughest tell Him "You still have my heart."

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
But you were there

Always faithful
Always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But you were there

I've wandered heaven's gates
I've made my bed in hell
But you were there still

Always faithful
Always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

You have me
You have me
You have my heart completely

I love you all. 

I'm praying for you.

Until next time,

~Wanted~