Infinite Worth: Part 3: The Lover

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Agape 

Hello friends! I hope all is well with you! A lot has happened since I wrote the last post. I only just posted a few minutes ago, but it's been done for a while. God has a funny way of working. I had to wait a while to see where this series was going. But now He's given me at least a little bit of direction of where to take it next.

As a brief recap...

In Part 1 we discussed seeing people. We talked about what it was like to feel invisible, and some practical ways to truly see others.

In Part 2 we discussed seeing God. We talked about how we often miss Him, and how important it is to look up in our lives and just see Him in the everyday. When we do that we step closer to the truth of our existence.

Now that we've established those baselines of seeing others, and seeing God, we can start moving deeper.
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I wrote all of the above a month ago. I sat down to write this post many times, but never once did it feel right. Once again, God just was having me wait until it was the right time. A bunch of things have happened lately that have helped me to answer the question that I've been posing in this post. Who do I say that God is? How does that relate to our worth. Well I have at least a little bit of a clearer picture. Without further ado....
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Infinite Worth:

The Lover

One of my favorite Bible stories is the story of the Prodigal son. You all have heard it plenty of times. But recently I was given a new reflection on it, that changed the way that I viewed things. You see, prodigal does mean extravagant and over the top, and most of the time people think of it as referring to the son (which of course it is). But Prodigal also refers to the love of the father. If you really read the story it's quite remarkable. The son goes up to his father one day and says to him: "Dad, I want everything I would get when you die, and I want it now." Basically:"Dad, I wish you were dead already." Even though this is a major insult, the father grants the son's wishes, The son squanders his inheritance doing any bad thing you can think of. And then he goes and cleans up for the pigs. For a Jewish person, this would be the lowest of low jobs. You would be perpetually ritually unclean, and so no one would be able to associate with you. And so in his desperation the son returns home to the father. Now the father should have been completely cold. Not only was his son unclean, but his son was basically, by Jewish law, dead to him. But the father was waiting. He had no guarantee that the son would return. And yet each and every day the father sat out on the path waiting. When he finally saw the son, far off, so far that the son might not have even been able to see him yet, he broke into a run, and wrapped him in a full embrace. He placed sandals on his feet and rings on his fingers, indicating that he had been adopted fully back into the family. This was the father's love for him. It was extravagant and wild. It was prodigal. The other title that this story could have is "The Prodigal Father".

Brothers and sisters, THAT is who the father is. That is who God is. He is a prodigal lover. (See the double meaning?) He loves us when we act as the prodigal son did, going our own way. Guys, His love isn't dependent on our returning of it! He loves us because we are His, and nothing can change that! Just as the father continued to love the son when he left, so much more so does God love us, even when we sin! And he is prodigal like the father is. When we even make the slightest movement in our hearts back to Him, He runs to meet us with wide open arms. How blessed our we to have such a lover!

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life." I know that this verse is cliche and we've all heard it time and time again, but think about it! Remember Abraham and the love he had for his son? How much more did God love Jesus? And yet God gave Him up so that WE might have life. And not just we. You. He died not just for us the collective, but you, the individual. Jesus died for you. St. Paul tells us that the wages of sin are death, but since Jesus never sinned, He never even had to die. At all. Period.  Think about that! He didn't have to die at all, but He chose to do so in a painful and horrific way, just to show you how much He loves you. That's mindblowing if you think about it.

Someone told me recently that God is a romantic, and the Bible is the epic story of His romance with us. When read in that context, He becomes so much bigger and more beautiful in our understanding. God is a romantic lover. He does things that a romantic does. He laces the story with little pieces that speak just to your heart individually, if you but let it. He wants to romance us all, yes, but also each and every one of us individually. God made each and ever day for you. Just for you. Everything you see. Even this blog post. He didn't make it for anyone else, except for you. To paraphrase a friend: God is the perfect parent - We are all His favorite. Take time to enjoy the beauty. Get lost in it. It's all for you.

Love demands a response. This is why we so often miss God in our lives. We are afraid because we know when we see Him, when we let Him in, when we truly encounter Him and His love, we will have to change. And that can be uncomfortable. When Jesus meets the woman at the well, he goes to her, the outcast of the outcasts, and sees her. He talks to her and speaks to the depths of her heart His message of hope. She in turn hears it and spreads the message. She was open to His love, and in doing so she responded. Love is a perpetual outpouring of self. It is a paradox: the more we give, the more we are capable of giving. Let God in and let Him touch your heart. It's taken me a long time to do so, but now that I am finally letting Him have His foot in the door, I see my life changing. Parts of that are scary, and painful, and difficult. But they are so beautiful and I am so much happier as a result. But responding to Love is another topic for another time.

"God is love" is a cliche that we hear all the time. But it's so so true. My favorite title for God is The Lover. That, I think, is the core of who God is. The Trinity is a unity of persons in love. The love between the Father and the Son is so tangible that the Spirit springs forth as a result. The Bible is the story of His love. And each day is yet further proof of how much he loves you individually. God is love. Look around and meet your Lover.

In the song "How He Loves" by the David Crowder Band we sing "His Love's like a hurricane." Think about a hurricane. Is there anything soft and gentle in a hurricane? It's strong and it's blustery and it's completely and totally overpowering. When a hurricane comes, you either evacuate or ride it out, but there is nothing you can do to stop it coming. God is great, and His love is like a hurricane. There is nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you. You can choose to not accept it, but He will never stop.

His love is explosive. It's "like radiant diamonds, exploding inside us, we cannot contain." When you let it in and encounter His love truly, it will overpower you. It will well up and explode and it's like your heart simply cannot contain it! You want to shout it to the whole world! He loves you so much more than all the stars and planets and suns in the sky. He died with His arms outstretched, saying "I love you this much."

Who is God? He is the Lover. Let Him love you.
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The song tonight is "Multiplied" by Needtobreathe. It's simple, but it is to the point. Like I said earlier, His love is like radiant diamonds.

Your love is like radiant diamonds
Bursting inside us we cannot contain
Your love will surely come find us
Like blazing wild fires singing Your name

God of mercy sweet love of mine
I have surrendered to Your design
May this offering stretch across the skies
And these Halleluiahs be multiplied

Your love is like radiant diamonds
Bursting inside us we cannot contain
Your love will surely come find us
Like blazing wild fires singing Your name

God of mercy sweet love of mine
I have surrendered to Your design
May this offering stretch across the skies
And these Halleluiahs be multiplied

(Multiplied)
(Oh multiplied)

God of mercy sweet love of mine
I have surrendered to Your design
May this offering stretch across the skies
And these Halleluiahs be multiplied

These Halleluiahs be multiplied

(Your love is like radiant diamonds)
(Bursting inside us we cannot contain)
(Your love will surely come find us)
Like blazing wild fires singing Your name

Let God be a part of your life so that your hallelujahs may be multiplied as well!
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Romans 5:8 "But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us."

This is The Lover. Let Him love you.
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Beloved, Love.

Until next time,
Praying for you,

~Wanted~

Infinite Worth: Part 2: Come Out Wishing Star

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Not Even when I'm a hundred.

Howdy all! Thank you all so much for the overwhelmingly positive feedback! You have no idea how much it means to me to hear that I'm making a difference. You guys are wonderful, and you make all the effort I put into this worth it.

I was surprised, particularly, at how excited everyone was for this series. I knew that it would be important, but I didn't quite realize what an impact it was going to have. After all of the events that have happened in my life as of late it has become abundantly clear that this post series might be the most important thing I've worked on to date. I sincerely hope that it helps you all grow. You are the reason I do this. If my experiences can help even a single person grow closer to God, then every single second will have been worth it.

So anyways...

Last time we talked about seeing others, really, truly seeing them. We talked about how it feels not to be seen, and concrete ways to see others. We also discussed that it doesn't mean we aren't being seen even if we aren't acknowledged. Small pebbles can make large waves.

Tonight we are going to talk about seeing someone else we don't always see: God. So often we focus on all the little details that we miss the point. If God is the source of our worth, how will we ever see how much we matter if we don't see Him? With that we begin part 2...
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Infinite Worth:

Look Up

Growing up I always loved Winnie the Pooh. The Silly Old Bear had me going on adventure after adventure with him, and I loved it. I loved none more so than Winnie the Pooh's Most Grand Adventure. Christopher Robin goes missing so Pooh and the gang set out to look for them. As things are looking their bleakest Pooh Bear goes off by himself and sings a song (it's a Disney cartoon, of course it's a musical!). Watch it here. 

Pretty tough stuff for a kid's movie, huh? I've always loved this song, because I think that many times it describes my relationship with God. "I'm out here in the dark all alone and wide awake, come and find me. I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break, come and find me! I need you to come here and find me, cause without you I'm totally lost. I don't know what else to do, except to try and dream of you, wherever you are."

So often I feel like He's completely left me, or abandoned me entirely. I know in my heart that's not true, but sometimes it's hard to believe that, you know? I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes we think that maybe He isn't even there. Sometimes we get so down we doubt our core. Sometimes our impossible (see previous post) weighs us down so much that we forget to see the good in the world. Sometimes our hurts and sufferings blind us to all the beauty in the world. Sometimes we just get so caught up in our lives that we walk around with our head down and miss all of the gifts that God wants to give us. And sometimes we get thinking that we are so sinful that we don't deserve the love or even attention of a God so good. We doubt our very worth. And we miss Him.

"I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake, come and find me."

It's in times like the one above that I start to pray that line. I feel like I'm left in the dark, and I have no way to go. I want to see God. I want to see the good in life, in my situations, in even the bad, but I just can't. And that's ok. Sometimes we just can't. We are human, and we have limitations. But that's where God comes in. We live in a world made by a limitless God. He gives us the strength to do all things (Phillipians 4:13). That's why that desperate prayer is not only ok, it's great! God wants a relationship with us, and that means sincerity. Come and find me God, because I don't even have the strength to take one more step. I want to see you, but I just can't.

"I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break, come and find me."

It's funny that the time that most of the time people think about God it's when things are going bad. This often turns our image of God into a genie, but He's not a genie. He's not a vending-machine. He is a Lover who wants to Love you. Not looking for God  because we feel unworthy is exactly what the devil wants, not God! God, to prove how much He loved us, died. He subjected himself to the wages of sin so as to overcome it. Not because He had to, but because He loved us. This was over a thousand years before you or I were even a thought! So to say that we are unworthy to talk to Him because of sin is nothing short of rediculous! That's what confession is for! He has already forgiven us. It's just up to us to accept it. We aren't called to be empty and cold. Lord, heal my wounds. Come and find me.

"I've hung a wish on every star, it hasn't done much good so far. I don't know what else to do..."

Sometimes we miss who God is, or miss seeing Him because we get so caught up in the world. What tests do I have to do? When's my next shift at work? How long do I have to sleep? What else do I have to get done today? When's my next meeting? We keep moving, moving, moving, and never slow down to take a breath. Time and time again in the Bible we see that God speaks in the stillness and the silence. We miss Him completely if we never take time to see Him. He places Himself in our lives in small ways, just so we can see Him there. If we never look up, we'll never notice the breeze on our face, the beautiful clouds, the blooming of the flowers, or the kind smile of a stranger. He shows Himself in small ways like that each and every day.

Sometimes we hang our wishes and hopes on other things, like our majors, our work, our organizations, or our friends. But these things can falter; they can waver. Then when they do, our entire world is shattered. God is the only one who will never let us down. Wishes on a star might not come true, but God is always there. Lord, help me to trust more in you and your goodness. Come and find me.

"I need you to come here and find me, cause without you I'm totally lost.... wherever you are."

When we feel like we're lost, all we have to do is start to see Him. To see Him, all we have to do is ask. "Lord, come and find me. Help me to see you." And He will. Our Lord, the gentleman, is just waiting for you to ask.
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So if that song describes my relationship (and maybe yours) with God sometimes, and the obstacles we face, how do we see Him? The first step is realizing that we are missing something, and trying to right it. We talked about those obstacles above. Next, we've got to do what I said earlier: look up.

So often think that God is going to speak to them in actual words. Big and booming. Or actually out loud. For some people that happens. And to them I say congratulations that you are blessed with such beauty. Most of the time though, at least in my experience, God doesn't work like that. All we have to do to see Him is pay attention to what's going on around us. He's talking to us all the time. In the beauty of the sunrise He says "I love you." In the cool breeze on a hard day He says "I'm still with you." In the stillness and the silence He says "Here I am, talk to me." If you listen He even speaks to you through other people. You know, when someone says exactly what you needed to hear? Or when you have that crazy chance encounter with a stranger? He talks to us through the Bible, The Word of God. God is crazy talkative! All you have to do to see Him is look up. Look up from your problems, worries, cares, worldly things, and see the world around you. Watch, and listen.

And then Go to mass and See Him in the bread and wine made into His divine Body and Blood.

When we do these things we begin to see Him. Once we see God and hear Him talking to us in our lives He can begin to reveal to us just how much we mean to Him, and our true worth can be revealed.
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The song for tonight is "You Speak" by Audrey Assad.

You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos
From the chains of a lesser law You set me free
You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos
From the chains of a lesser law You set me free

In the silence of the heart You speak
In the silence of the heart You speak
and it is there that I will know You 
and You will know me
in the silence of the heart
You speak, You speak

You satisfy me till i am quiet and confident
in the work of the Spirit I cannot see.
You satisfy me till I am quiet and confident
in the work of the Spirit I cannot see.

In the silence of the heart You speak. 

If we look and listen, God is there, always speaking to us. If we but listen and look we encounter our Lover. He just wants to Love you. Look for Him.

The verses for tonight are 1 Kings 19:12-13:
"After the earthquake there was fire - but the LORD was not in the fire. After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound. / When he heard this, Elijah hid his face in his cloak and went and stood at the entrance of the cave..."

Look for the Lord. Just as sometimes we have a hard time seeing others, or feeling seen, so too do we often miss seeing God.
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That concludes part 2 of this series. Next time we'll talk about Who God is, and that will bring us into a discussion about who we are. I hope you'll stick around!

As always, I love you, and I'm praying for you!

~Wanted~

Impossible

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Sometimes life feels like this ^.

Howdy all! No, this post is not the next in the series. Hopefully that post will be coming. When? Absolutely no idea. But recently something has been weighing on my heart, and I just had to write about it today or I was going to burst. 

Ever get caught in a rut? Doing the same things over and over again? Ever just get tired of it all? Well hopefully this post will help a bit. Much of this post is based on a conversation I had with a friend, so keep in mind it's not all my words.

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The Impossible: Enter into the Mystery

Lately I've been struggling, and I know for a fact that it hasn't just been me. If anything, response from my last post proved that for me. The world is in great pain. It heaves and it sobs under the weight of burdens far too great for it to carry. Each and every one of us carries some weight. Something that "nobody should have to deal with". How often have we heard that one? Well, my question is, if nobody has to deal with it, then why do we find ourselves saying those things so often? Why do we so often find ourselves facing the same incomprehensible situations?

Ever been in a situation that seems impossible? Like there's something broken, but you don't know how to fix it? Like there's something wrong, but you can't quite put your finger on it? Like there's too much to do, and not enough time to do it? Like there might be no way to get through whatever it is? I was talking to my friend about this very issue, and they gave me a very strong argument.

First, they used logic. They looked at possible cases of this situation. "First, something's wrong and we know how to fix it" but we have no knowledge of what that problem is. "Secondly, it could be something's wrong, and we just don't know how to fix it. What then? There's not much we can do about that. It could be that we're not meant to fix it, it'll just be fixed over time or it'll be fixed by another." And last that "there could be nothing wrong at all. In which case, we also don't have anything at our disposal that can change what appears to us to be a problem."

My friend is very wise, and gave me a lot to think about. First off, that in all three cases, we just have to trust in God. As I've said before, this is a big deal for me. I like to be in control. I like plans, and schedules. Letting go is rather difficult. Yet for a solution to arrive in any case, trust in God and His plan must be established. Second, the conversation made me think about our perception of things: when we think something is wrong, is it really? Maybe the things we look at as problems are really blessings. Or maybe the things we look at as broken are really fixed, but we just don't see them that way yet. God's ways aren't ours, and sometimes we have to wait, and be patient, to see things the way they were meant to be; the way He made them. Third, it made me think again about trust in God. This trust though was the trust that He is always looking out for us. Just as He uses us to help others, sometimes we have to let Him use others to help us. That is just as much our job as serving others: allowing ourselves to be served. The apostles all had to let Jesus wash their feet, remember? Sometimes God wants us to back down and give others a chance to serve Him. We need to let God be God more often.

Then, as the conversation was ending, my friend told me this: "It reminds me of people alive when Jesus was on earth and witnessed miracles and still had doubts. We are expected to believe the impossible
but its the impossible that makes it possible I guess. It's what God does best, making anything possible." That was the most profound thing, far more than what was discussed above. My friend didn't know it, but I sat thinking about those few lines for quite a while. I think they touched on something very important.

We take the Gospels and the stories of the Bible for granted. We know that Jesus rose on the third day. We know that He performed lots of miracles. We know what He means when He talks about eating His flesh and drinking His blood. And it is this familiarity that allows us to yawn in Mass when these things are said (I do it all the time too...). But my friend's words made me think about the apostles, and how many impossible things there were stood up against. Think about it. You expect the Messiah to be a military leader, and instead you get a carpenter. You listen to preachings all day, and you just want to go home when your Messiah essential says "Get over here, I'm going to feed this massive group of people with this crazy tiny amount of food." I wouldn't be surprised if some of the apostles were like "Yeah, right. I think Jesus has been in the sun for a little too long today." Even after seeing Him turn water into wine, and do other miraculous things, it would be a stretch. And even after that, some of His remarks might just make them laugh out of the sheer absurdity. Could you imagine being told "Hey ya'll, I'm the chosen one the your Lord has promised you for thousands of years. I'm going to hand myself over, be tortured, get killed, but be it'll all be cool because I'll be back in three days." I could only imagine their reactions: "If He wasn't in the sun too long BEFORE, He definitely has been now.""Alright, maybe it's a metaphor?""I'm lost here, what's going on?" etc. It was a LOT to swallow. Even Peter was like "Jesus you're crazy!"We look at these reactions today and we laugh, but what would we have done in their places, honestly?

 And then there's the whole "You won't have eternal life unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood" thing. Today we understand that that's the Eucharist. But the apostles didn't have that 20/20 hindsight. They were hearing a teaching that sounded like Jesus telling them to become essentially vampires. And they knew Jesus was being serious because He ALWAYS tried to explain Himself further when He thought He was being misunderstood. This time He didn't. He let people walk away. And so the apostles knew that He meant what He said. They didn't understand it. It was an impossible teaching. It was seemingly against natural law, and yet they stayed. "Master, to whom shall we go?" they said. It was impossible. And maybe it made their hearts hurt, but they knew that somehow, someday, it would all make sense. He was their Lord and He would not let them down. Then how much more miraculous must Easter have been! How much more could those days when He appeared to them in His glorified body and explained things to them must those days have meant! "Ohhhh, it all makes sense now!" they'd say, and maybe even have a good laugh about it.

Today we don't have to trust in all of that because we know the whole story. My friend made me think that maybe, just maybe, when we encounter these impossible situations, God is allowing us in our modern day to enter into the eternal Mystery of who He is in a more complete way. He can't surprise us in the ways that He did the apostles. And so He does it through modern things. He asks us to accept impossible problems, situations, or tasks. He asks us to just trust Him when He says it will all be alright. In giving us these things He gives us an opportunity to be just like the first apostles: fully reliant on Him because of who He is. And trusting that when all is said and done it will all make sense. It couldn't have been easy for the apostles those 3 years. But they never left. No matter how bad things got, no matter how strange or hard to hear, they stuck it out and didn't give up. And their payout was greater than their wildest dreams. God wants us to have the same opportunity to trust Him as they did. And so He grants us these impossible things as gifts, opportunities to trust in His love, and share it with others.

Maybe these aren't the answers you're looking for. They might not even be the right ones at all. But they gave me something to think about, and they might for you as well. God never promised our lives would be easy. He just promised to walk with us. No matter where that path leads, He's there. The impossible might not be fixable. It might be your cross. It might be a path you have to always walk as long as you live. But He'll carry it with you. He'll walk with you. And in them He gives you the opportunity to trust and love Him in as deep a way as the first apostles did.

So walk with your head held high, even when that seems to much. Take just one more step, no matter how weak you're feeling. Because the impossible is really possible in the end. Like my friend said, "It's what God does best, making anything possible.
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Your verse for today is 1 Corinthians 10:13. Maybe your way out won't come until you are back with Him in heaven, but as He promised, He will always be with you.

The song for tonight is "You have me" by Gungor. Give it a listen. And repeat as necessary anytime you feel like things are too much. Your impossible might still be there. But He is too. Give yourself to Him. That's what He's there for. Your impossible is meant to draw you closer to His heart. So when things get the toughest tell Him "You still have my heart."

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
But you were there

Always faithful
Always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But you were there

I've wandered heaven's gates
I've made my bed in hell
But you were there still

Always faithful
Always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

You have me
You have me
You have my heart completely

I love you all. 

I'm praying for you.

Until next time,

~Wanted~

Infinite Worth: Part 1: Invisible (See Me)

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Howdy! I've written a lot of unpublished posts lately, and the intro is always the hardest part. Once I get the ball rolling, the post writes itself. I'm pretty sure that's God's doing. He's the boss. I just write what He's telling me. I honestly thing these posts come out exactly when they need to, for you all and for me. And maybe sometimes I write only for myself. I feel like that's been happening a lot lately. But in the hopes that this will one day make it to you all, I'm writing this intro.

So tonight I'm starting the first post in a new series about the dignity and worth of every person. I know I've talked about it before, but this series will hopefully be a little different. It's all about truly seeing people, and seeing them as God does. Tonight is about seeing those who often go unnoticed. Or seeing those who don't see themselves. Enjoy!

There. That seems long enough. But you know, sometimes things aren't what they seem. Sometimes people say they're fine, and they're really not. I've seen that too many times, and it really eats at my heart. And so tonight wanted entertains you with...

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Infinite Worth:

Invisible: I Just Want to Be Seen

It's 8:30pm, and we've been in the restaurant for over an hour now. We ordered an hour earlier, and our food still hasn't gotten there. We finally get a hold of a waitress, and she says she'll get right on it. Turned out the food had been ready for a long time, they had just forgotten about us. Some of it had even gone cold, or wasn't fully cooked. The manager completely ignored us, and we ended up having to do something else for dinner. My family is invisible. It's ironic because we're all so tall, and not exactly quiet. But things like this happen to my family, and to me, all the time.

They say don't sweat the small things, and I really try not to. But sometimes there comes a point when the small things become a big thing. When every day you say hello to people, and they don't even acknowledge you. When you ask someone a question and they either don't hear you or don't bother to answer. When you're in a crowded room full of friends and it's like you're not even there. Now individually none of these are anyone's fault. I'm just as guilty at all of these as anyone else. But when they happen to you all the time, they start grating away at your soul. When someone else ALWAYS gets the girl. Or the girl never saw you that way. When, even among people you know, you feel unseen. Being invisible is tough.

I don't bring up all of that for pity, or even for acknowledgement. I bring it up because I know that I'm not the only one. I know that I'm loved, even if I don't always feel it. I know that I'm seen, even if I'm not always acknowledge. But some people don't have that. They are invisible, like me, but they are never seen. They are alone. Or at least they think they are. And they don't know how much they matter yet.

It took me forever to know that I wasn't invisible. Sometimes I still feel that way. When you're constantly overlooked, even when people don't do it on purpose, it's tough to keep you're head on straight. It took years of God working on my heart and preparing me for the love that He wanted to give me for me to get to this point (see post about accepting God's love). This past summer God blessed me with a group of people beyond my wildest dreams. Through them he finally got through to me that I'm seen, even if I don't feel it. One of them told me this, and I'll never forget it: "Just because your actions don't have an apparent effect, that doesn't make them any lest significant. Just because people don't outwardly glorify something doesn't mean it goes unnoticed." I had thought that because people didn't always acknowledge me, it meant that they weren't seeing me. God revealed to me, through them, this summer that I couldn't have been more wrong. They didn't think they had to say anything. And they didn't.

So many people today believe that they go unnoticed. They believe that they are invisible. They let this weigh on their hearts, and they carry this burden alone. And it brings them down to the ground. But ask them how they're doing, and they'll just say "fine" or "good" or something like that. They don't let you see how much it's actually bugging them. I think part of that is because they want the validation that they are actually seen; that someone can tell that they are wrong (masks, remember?). I do think what my friend told me is true, but I also think that we've got to tell people that. People need to know that they are noticed, even if others don't say it. I think that many MANY hearts can be healed that way.

There are some simple ways to show people that you see them. Ask them how they're doing, and mean it. I'm writing a whole separate blog post just on this topic. Ask "How are you, really?" You have no idea what an impact this can have on those who don't see their own worth. Don't judge. Don't offer to give them advice, just sit there and listen. A priest at my church said it a couple weeks ago. Be ready to be there. After you ask, "be ready to sit there and listen for the next three hours, if that's what it takes." Having someone actually take interest in you can change your entire outlook on life. I CANNOT stress this enough. Second, do small nice things for people, even random strangers. Random acts of kindness, however cliche it may sound, really can change the world. Third, talk to that kid who's alone, or the silent one. Yes, they may just be an introvert, in which case you can walk away and leave them be. But they might just be shy, or yearning for human contact, but again wishing for the validation of being seen.

Sometimes I still have trouble knowing that I'm seen. But even if no reminder comes, I know that God loves me, I know that I matter, and I know that I'm seen. Even if no one says anything, I'm making a difference. You don't always see the rock that causes the ripples in the water. But the ripples spread all over, and the rock is still there, even if no one sees it.

A friend of mine mentioned someone that she thought perfectly exemplified this, and I completely agree: St. Joseph. Here's the man who was chosen to be the Step-father of our Lord. He had to endure public scandal because everyone knew that Jesus wasn't His. He had to live His live as the only member of His family who could sin. I'm sure that was incredibly tough at times. He's barely mentioned in the Bible and yet he had such a profound influence on Jesus as a youth and a young man. Here is the man God chose to protect His son, and watch over Jesus' mother, and we know almost nothing about him. Most of what he did, and the changes he made in their lives will never be known, and yet the echoes of his actions still ripple through the world to this day. Joseph wasn't seen either. And look at what he did. No one could say that wasn't a big deal.

If you're struggling with being seen, remember that there is a Lord who always sees you. Turn to St. Joseph, the selfless servant. And know that you are seen, and do matter, even if it doesn't feel like it.

In the next part I'll talk about seeing yourself as God sees you, and knowing what it means to really see another.
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"I want a moment to be real, wanna touch things I don't feel, wanna hold on and feel I belong"
-I'm Still Here by Jonny Rzesnik

Help others have that moment. See people. Don't let them remain invisible.

Instead of a verse tonight, a thought:
Jesus spent most of His life as a carpenter, working, and living a normal life. He wasn't acknowledged, and lived in relative obscurity, and He is God! Even Jesus Himself wasn't always seen. Bring that trouble to Him. He knows what it's like, and He can help you.

Until Next Time,
Know that I love you and am praying for you!

~Wanted~

Because I Was Afraid

Fitting, this picture is.

Hello lovely readers! My my it has been a while! But God has been busy in all of our lives, has he not? Ups, downs, good and bad, thick and thin He's been there. It is my sincerest hope that all of you have had an even better few months than I have.

There have been MANY ups and downs, but all of them have made me who I am, just as yours have done for you. I am thankful for all of them that I have received, and am so glad to have been blessed with the life I have to live. 

One of the ups was an INCREDIBLE weekend with amazing friends and a reminder of my own worth, and the worth of everyone around me. God reminded me that He works in everyone, and loves us all sooo much. 

Another was getting to see the movie Maleficent today. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It sparked tonight's conversation....

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Being Afraid: How Fear Can Distort Our Lives

Maleficent is a beautiful movie about how fear can drive people to do terrible things, and how love can help heal that. Without spoiling too much, Maleficent is hurt by the fear of the king, and so she turns to hurt others. The movie was WONDERFUL and I was enchanted the whole time. But even more than that I was thinking about what started it all. It was fear. The king was not necessarily a bad man (the one at the beginning of the movie, not Stefan... again all I can say without spoilers). He wanted to protect his kingdom from a perceived threat. But his pride (but pride is a separate post entirely) and his fear of what MIGHT lay in the mysterious other kingdom lead him to do terrible things. And that got me thinking.

Fear is one of the worst things in the world because it comes from ourselves, and it can completely destroy people. It takes perfectly good people and hurts them in two ways: either in hiding or in lashing out.

First let's talk about lashing out. Think of when you were a kid. Wasn't it the case that often times the kid that was the most bullied was the one that was most different? In high school, wasn't it always best to stick in, because if you stuck out too much you might be attacked too? People fear greatness. They fear being outdone; they fear being made to feel inadequate; they fear people who dare to be themselves; they fear people who are truly happy. I'm not saying that all people do this, or even most people, but simply that there are people out there who do this. They aren't necessarily bad people. In fact many of them might be what one considers good. They simply are afraid, and fear can make people do crazy things. It makes some people get very defensive, so to put up walls around themselves they put down others.

Then there's the other spectrum of fear which is just as harmful. Fear can also cause people to hide. They hide how different they are for fear of being hurt. They hide their love for fear of being rejected. They hide their hope for fear of being laughed at. They hide their uniqueness for fear of not being accepted. They sacrifice being who they are for the safety of being ordinary. They are so afraid of what others think and maybe even of themselves that they choose to hide who and what they are to avoid any conflict.

Neither of these is what God wants, and both are damaging. Both hurt others, and both hurt ourselves. And if we are really honest, at some point or another in our lives, we are guilty of both. When we judge others just by looking at them, or when we don't do something for fear of being judged, we act on these. Fear is a problem because it is incompatible with love. I don't mean to say that you are never afraid when you're in love. Love is a terribly scary thing. Love doesn't require the absence of fear. Rather, love requires doing what's right despite fear. Acting on fear distorts because it leaves no room for love. When we leave no room for love, the source of all beauty and truth (As Love Himself created everything), we leave only room for hatred - either of ourselves or of others.

I was really guilty of the second one for a long time. I don't like sharing myself with others because I am afraid that I won't be wanted, needed, or loved. I know in my heart it's ridiculous, and yet I still find myself acting on this fear time and time again. This weekend God sent me a reminder that I should not be afraid. With a group of awesome friends I was once again reminded that fear is not a way to live, and God wants us to be happy. Then Sunday was Pentecost. The apostles were all afraid, but then Jesus told them to "Be not afraid.". But they were still afraid. Then He sent His spirit upon them, and they were filled with courage and spread the Word throughout the world. This was God's reminder that even the best of people become afraid, but that love is so much stronger than fear. When we choose to love, then the fear doesn't matter anymore, even if it doesn't leave.

Fear means a lack of trust. It means a lack of trust in God's love and plan for you. Why shouldn't we trust the One who is Love, and who never stops thinking of us? It is kind of proud. And yet we do it all the time! Fear is saying "I know you got plans, but I still don't quite like them, so I'll try mine." I know that it's hard. Believe me, I'm no better than anyone else. But when we choose to trust God, Love conquers fear, and life can be lived to the absolute fullest. And let me tell you my friends, Love is so much better.

Don't be afraid, be not afraid. Variations of this are found all over the Bible. God is obviously trying to tell us that we don't need it. He made us perfect, even in our imperfections, and loves us just as we are. He wants us to love ourselves, and each other, that way too. He wants us to look at each other and see Him. We are one body, and we are His body, and when we live without fear - when we live in love - we allow everyone to live to the fullest.

So be not afraid. Live in love. You were made to live.
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The verse for tonight is Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not, I am with you; be not dismayed; I am your God. I will strengthen you, and help you, and uphold you with my right hand of justice."

I don't think anything else needs to be added.
... Except maybe a song!

"I'm On Top of the World" by Imagine Dragons

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

Live life on top of the world. There's nothing to fear! You are perfect just the way you are! You are wanted, needed, loved, necessary, and irreplaceable!

I love you all, and I'm praying for you.

Until next time,
~Wanted~

I Always Will

He is Jealous for me.

Hello all! Sorry it has been soo long! I know I promised more earlier, and that was my bad. Time got away from me a little bit, as you all know it tends to. I hope you all have been doing abundantly well, and had a great holiday season.

Part 2 of Finding Beauty is still coming. When that will happen I have no idea. But I did promise more writing on love. And here for your viewing pleasure is another segment on love. If I've written any of this before I apologize, but I really think that this needs to be said.

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Accepting the Love of God

I know some of you may be thinking that this topic isn't even one that needs to be talked about. I mean it's common sense right? But with the distortion of sin in the world, even the most basic of truths needs to be highlighted from time to time to keep it from being forgotten. And so we go.

Remember when you were a kid and the monsters hid in the dark? All you needed was your mom or dad to scare them away and the monsters went away. As you grew up, the monsters came in the dark less and less. Instead they began to hide in even scarier places: in the bullies, in the things you couldn't control, the stuff of nightmares. But even those could be overcome by standing up to them, or accepting your lack of control. So then the monsters decided to hide in the scariest place of all: you. The monsters crawled into you. Making you believe that you were ugly. Worthless. Terrible. A bad friend, parent, brother, teacher, coworker, etc. Unlovable.

Maybe this hasn't happened to you, and if it hasn't, GOOD. Don't think that it needs to. It means that you have already surpassed this step. If it has, this post is for you. To sum it up in a nutshell I quote Veggietales: "God is bigger than the boogeyman." He is the one who can conquer your inner monsters. And yet as I have said so many times before, it has to be you who allow Him to.

The monsters represent our own fears and insecurities. I fed my own monsters for years. They're very easy to feed. And the more we feed them, the less they look like monsters to us, but as essential parts of who we are - indistinct and irremovable from our core. But the monsters ARE NOT us, and they can easily be defeated.

The more we feed the monsters, they harder they are to defeat. I know this is the case for me. Sometimes I continue to feed them. But God wants sooo much more for us than that. He calls us out, beckoning us to feed our souls with His very Body; His very Blood. And it's toxic to the monsters that claim our souls.

The only catch is that, I'll reiterate, WE HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. Guys I will be first to admit, this is one of the hardest lessons that I have EVER had to learn. And I've taken physics and calculus. See, I get into this rut where I know that God loves me and forgives me for what I've done wrong, but that doesn't matter to me. Because of false humility (just another side of pride), I decided that while God might say I'm good enough, I say I'm not. Of course that isn't true! In fact it's pretty darn proud, putting myself up on a pedestal like that. But what God has been beating into me lately (or at least trying to) is that it's not about deserving. It's about His gift. He didn't have to make us. Did we deserve that? Nope. He wanted to. He didn't have to redeem us. Did we deserve it? Nope. He wanted us to be with Him forever. He didn't have to give us grace in confession. Did we deserve that? Nope. He wanted us to be able to get closer and closer to Him.

You see? True love isn't about what we deserve. It's about what God has given us. Loving Him is accepting His gifts. MUCH easier said than done. Recently at adoration a nun taught me a prayer that can help though. You see, I didn't accept God's love and forgiveness for myself because I didn't want to be insincere, and I never thought I deserved it. So she told me this. Sometimes when we find it hard to do something, we can ask for it "In the name of Jesus." His name holds power, and so if we come to God asking for something in His son's name, He will grant it to us. I wanted to forgive myself, so I asked for the sincerity to do so. Ask God for the sincerity. Ask Him for the desire to let Him love you. That's what He's there for.

It's not what you deserve, nor is it about what you deserve. It's about what you are given. It's about you accepting a gift that your best friend just wants to give you. He's waiting for you. He just wants you to let Him love you. And then when you do, your world will change.
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He is jealous for you. Never forget that you have a loving God.
The song for this time is Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars.

I don't love you
I always will
I don't love you but
I always will

I feel like these lyrics fit very well. The first and third lines often times describe us with ourselves, and God steps in with the second and fourth lines. He always will love us, regardless of what we think of ourselves. We need to just let Him. And we need to learn to love ourselves too.

Always remember that.

1 John 4:19.

Until Next Time!

~Wanted~