Sorry for taking so long to write! School's so busy! Man it knows how to get in the way of important things! haha :p. Well I'm going through a bit of a rough time here, and so I thought instead of just moping, I'd turn it into creativity. I've already written 2 songs, and now I decided that it's time to write again. I have a whole bunch more ideas coming your way soon, so stay tuned and stick with me. I won't let you down!
As I write this post, my dog is dying. Don't worry, it's ok. He's just very old, and it's his time. I'd be lying if I said this were easy though. It's been a lifetime with him, or at least it feels that way. Life's going to be very different when he's gone. His ridiculous personality, excitement at every new person, and hakuna matata philosophy (if dogs can have philosophy.... separate topic for a separate time. You know what I mean. ... Back to the topic!) I get a little personal tonight, so please cut me some slack. With that, the topic tonight is a toughie....
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Letting Go
Fuuun topic right?! If you couldn't tell that was sarcasm there. It's a topic that none of us want to face, but we all have to at one point or another. It might be small things like old childhood toys, or bigger like a friend moving away or people growing up, or maybe even a death of a pet or relative. In any case, it's never easy.
It's been two days since I started writing the stuff above, and I've had a lot of time to think. Yeah my dog's still here. Poor buddy. But God's given me exactly what I needed: time. He gave me time to say goodbye. I've mourned, and while I'm sad that he's going, I can only be thankful for the amazing life that he had until now, and thankful for all the time I had with a wonderful dog. There's something very peaceful in that. Not being bitter. But thankful. Reflect on what you do have. It makes losing things much easier.
Like I said, I'd be deluding you if I said you never had to let go of anything. Some things are easier than others. For instance if I have to let go of this blog. Yeah, I'd be a little sad because I enjoy writing, but I wouldn't get upset about it, and the world would be fine. Other things are a BIG deal. Like a friend moving away. Or a death. The larger things are the toughies. Being used to having that person/animal/sentimental thing there and then one day it's gone... it's difficult. So what do you do?
Like I said, Focus on the positive. As I sat with my dog just petting him the other night, I thought back on all the good times we've had together. The first night we brought him home my little brother was eating a bacon cheeseburger. We got home and he took one bite out of it, and the whole thing fell on the floor. Before we had a second to react, the dog ran up and ate it in seconds. It might not be that funny to someone who doesn't know him, but if you do, it means something really special. Or that time that he dragged me down the street as he chased a cat ( Man could he pull! It was like trying to hold back a bull!). Or when we used to wrestle when he was younger. And so many other things. All the good times came back. And it helped me.
It helps so much to focus on the positive. If you focus on the bad times when you have to let people/animals/things/etc. go, you will only end up making yourself even more upset than you were in the first place. By focusing on the good memories, you can ease your pain, and letting go becomes just a little easier. Why? Because you keep in mind what a great run you've had, and that that time will be special, but that it's time to move on.
Which leads me to part 2: Acceptance. Yep, unfortunately this is also part of it. You have to come to terms with the fact that what you have to let go of is gone. I love my dog so much. I'm really going to miss him. But no matter how upset I get, or angry, or what have you, I can't bring him back. It's just his time. I'm so thankful for the time we had together, and understand that God's calling him back now. It's the nature of life. Death follows life follows death follows life. A cycle. By focusing on the good and seeing all the good things that happened in our time with what we love, it becomes easier to accept that it's gone, and move on. And let go. That doesn't mean you don't mourn. Goodness have I mourned. But it's made his death so much easier when I stopped getting myself worked up. I realize that he's old and there's nothing anyone can do, so instead of getting upset, I accepted that this really is it. Now I can focus on making him as comfortable for the rest of the time that he's here, however long that may be. When you accept the situation as it is, you can work to make the best out of it as possible.
Again, this doesn't mean you don't mourn. I'll still be really upset when he dies. In fact, it's so difficult to even write this, but it's a way of helping me cope. I've been sad all week. My friends at school can tell something's a little off. And that's fine, normal, good. Why? We don't mourn for things we never loved. We don't miss things we never cared about. We don't get upset over things that don't have meaning to us. When we mourn, it's proof (at least to some extent) that we loved in the first place. As death is a part of life, so is mourning. And it's not good to skip this step. If you do, you can end up bottling things, which is unhealthy. Mourn. Let yourself be sad, and then when you are ready, move on. All I'm saying is that we can't let mourning rule our lives. Sadness is fine, but then the people we miss, animals, etc. wouldn't want us to spend the rest of our lives upset because they aren't there. I know I wouldn't. If I died tomorrow, I'd appreciate people missing me, but I wouldn't want them to spend the rest of their lives upset because I'm gone. There's so much more out there than just me! or your special one, animal, what have you. See where I'm going with this?
There's one more important thing: don't go at it alone. That doesn't mean you walk around telling everyone "Oh I'm SOOOO upset and I want you to be too!" It does mean that you have a few people that you can lean on in your time of need. .. or if you're reading this and you've talked to me this week you know that for me this time, it's been a lot of people. Whatever the case may be, remember the saying "your mind is a bad neighborhood, never go in it alone." I know for me there's been one friend of mine who knows exactly what I'm going through and has helped me through every step. It makes a big difference. Yes, sometimes we just want to be alone when we are sad, but other times it helps to surround yourself with people. It eases the pain and takes your mind off of it. To all my friends who are helping me through this, I say thank you. And to that one friend, who knows who he/she is, I thank you deeply. I think we're even now ;).
As a parting, remember this. It helps to say goodbye. Saying goodbye and letting go is never easy. But we all have to face it. You can. Remember that you are never alone! God is always here, and can get you through everything. He's helped me so much this week, and probably more than I'll ever know in ways that I'll never know. He's waiting if you ever need him. As you let go, pray this. God bless.
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. - Numbers6:24-26
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Hope this helps. And thanks for letting me rant. This week of all weeks I needed it. Saying goodbye, letting go, moving on, it's painful. But as one door closes, another opens. To quote Doctor Who "This song is ending, but the story never ends." As this is partly a tribute to my dog, I think you'd get a kick out of reading "A Dog Named Beau" by Jimmy Stewart (http://www.reelclassics.com/Actors/Jimmy/jimmy-poem.htm). It's a beautiful poem that I had to perform in 4th grade. I didn't have the feelings behind it then. Now I do. I wish I didn't.
I know you'll never read this buddy (you're a dog, duh!!) but I'm really going to miss you. Thanks for all the fun, all the comfort, all the laughter, and even all the bugging me. You always cheered me up. Sometimes I took you for granted. I'm sorry. I'm really going to miss you. Rest in Peace buddy.
"Life won't ever be quite the same,
I'll always love a dog named Blaine"
~Wanted~
It's been two days since I started writing the stuff above, and I've had a lot of time to think. Yeah my dog's still here. Poor buddy. But God's given me exactly what I needed: time. He gave me time to say goodbye. I've mourned, and while I'm sad that he's going, I can only be thankful for the amazing life that he had until now, and thankful for all the time I had with a wonderful dog. There's something very peaceful in that. Not being bitter. But thankful. Reflect on what you do have. It makes losing things much easier.
Like I said, I'd be deluding you if I said you never had to let go of anything. Some things are easier than others. For instance if I have to let go of this blog. Yeah, I'd be a little sad because I enjoy writing, but I wouldn't get upset about it, and the world would be fine. Other things are a BIG deal. Like a friend moving away. Or a death. The larger things are the toughies. Being used to having that person/animal/sentimental thing there and then one day it's gone... it's difficult. So what do you do?
Like I said, Focus on the positive. As I sat with my dog just petting him the other night, I thought back on all the good times we've had together. The first night we brought him home my little brother was eating a bacon cheeseburger. We got home and he took one bite out of it, and the whole thing fell on the floor. Before we had a second to react, the dog ran up and ate it in seconds. It might not be that funny to someone who doesn't know him, but if you do, it means something really special. Or that time that he dragged me down the street as he chased a cat ( Man could he pull! It was like trying to hold back a bull!). Or when we used to wrestle when he was younger. And so many other things. All the good times came back. And it helped me.
It helps so much to focus on the positive. If you focus on the bad times when you have to let people/animals/things/etc. go, you will only end up making yourself even more upset than you were in the first place. By focusing on the good memories, you can ease your pain, and letting go becomes just a little easier. Why? Because you keep in mind what a great run you've had, and that that time will be special, but that it's time to move on.
Which leads me to part 2: Acceptance. Yep, unfortunately this is also part of it. You have to come to terms with the fact that what you have to let go of is gone. I love my dog so much. I'm really going to miss him. But no matter how upset I get, or angry, or what have you, I can't bring him back. It's just his time. I'm so thankful for the time we had together, and understand that God's calling him back now. It's the nature of life. Death follows life follows death follows life. A cycle. By focusing on the good and seeing all the good things that happened in our time with what we love, it becomes easier to accept that it's gone, and move on. And let go. That doesn't mean you don't mourn. Goodness have I mourned. But it's made his death so much easier when I stopped getting myself worked up. I realize that he's old and there's nothing anyone can do, so instead of getting upset, I accepted that this really is it. Now I can focus on making him as comfortable for the rest of the time that he's here, however long that may be. When you accept the situation as it is, you can work to make the best out of it as possible.
Again, this doesn't mean you don't mourn. I'll still be really upset when he dies. In fact, it's so difficult to even write this, but it's a way of helping me cope. I've been sad all week. My friends at school can tell something's a little off. And that's fine, normal, good. Why? We don't mourn for things we never loved. We don't miss things we never cared about. We don't get upset over things that don't have meaning to us. When we mourn, it's proof (at least to some extent) that we loved in the first place. As death is a part of life, so is mourning. And it's not good to skip this step. If you do, you can end up bottling things, which is unhealthy. Mourn. Let yourself be sad, and then when you are ready, move on. All I'm saying is that we can't let mourning rule our lives. Sadness is fine, but then the people we miss, animals, etc. wouldn't want us to spend the rest of our lives upset because they aren't there. I know I wouldn't. If I died tomorrow, I'd appreciate people missing me, but I wouldn't want them to spend the rest of their lives upset because I'm gone. There's so much more out there than just me! or your special one, animal, what have you. See where I'm going with this?
There's one more important thing: don't go at it alone. That doesn't mean you walk around telling everyone "Oh I'm SOOOO upset and I want you to be too!" It does mean that you have a few people that you can lean on in your time of need. .. or if you're reading this and you've talked to me this week you know that for me this time, it's been a lot of people. Whatever the case may be, remember the saying "your mind is a bad neighborhood, never go in it alone." I know for me there's been one friend of mine who knows exactly what I'm going through and has helped me through every step. It makes a big difference. Yes, sometimes we just want to be alone when we are sad, but other times it helps to surround yourself with people. It eases the pain and takes your mind off of it. To all my friends who are helping me through this, I say thank you. And to that one friend, who knows who he/she is, I thank you deeply. I think we're even now ;).
As a parting, remember this. It helps to say goodbye. Saying goodbye and letting go is never easy. But we all have to face it. You can. Remember that you are never alone! God is always here, and can get you through everything. He's helped me so much this week, and probably more than I'll ever know in ways that I'll never know. He's waiting if you ever need him. As you let go, pray this. God bless.
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. - Numbers6:24-26
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Hope this helps. And thanks for letting me rant. This week of all weeks I needed it. Saying goodbye, letting go, moving on, it's painful. But as one door closes, another opens. To quote Doctor Who "This song is ending, but the story never ends." As this is partly a tribute to my dog, I think you'd get a kick out of reading "A Dog Named Beau" by Jimmy Stewart (http://www.reelclassics.com/Actors/Jimmy/jimmy-poem.htm). It's a beautiful poem that I had to perform in 4th grade. I didn't have the feelings behind it then. Now I do. I wish I didn't.
I know you'll never read this buddy (you're a dog, duh!!) but I'm really going to miss you. Thanks for all the fun, all the comfort, all the laughter, and even all the bugging me. You always cheered me up. Sometimes I took you for granted. I'm sorry. I'm really going to miss you. Rest in Peace buddy.
"Life won't ever be quite the same,
I'll always love a dog named Blaine"
~Wanted~
